Jokes
legacy Tms Member
Joined: January 27, 2007
Posts: 4,617
Likes: 176
From: alerbamer
on my last cruise lap in my stang i see some blue lites coming up fast behind me .. i`ve had a few too many and i`m close to home so i speed up a bit but he still sees me quickly turn into my driveway ..he says " It's been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go." ..i quickly say , "My last girlfriend ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"
Cobra Member
Joined: January 4, 2013
Posts: 1,418
Likes: 118
From: Frisco, TX
It was entertainment night at the senior citizens' center.
After the community sing along led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show - Claude the Hypnotist!Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance.
"Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time." said Claude.
The excited chatter dropped to silence as Claude carefully withdrew from his waistcoat pocket; a beautiful antique gold pocket watch and chain."I want you to keep your eyes on this watch" said Claude, holding the watch high for all to see."It is a very special and valuable watch that has been in my family for six generations" said Claude.
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting:
"Watch the watch --- Watch the watch ----Watch the watch"
The audience became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth.The lights were twinkling as they were reflected from its gleaming surfaces.A hundred and fifty pairs of eyes followed the movements of the gently swaying watch.They were hypnotized.
And then, suddenly, the chain broke!!!The beautiful watch fell to the stage and burst apart on impact"
"S***!!" said Claude.
It took them three days to clean the Senior Citizens' Center...and Claude was never invited there again.
After the community sing along led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show - Claude the Hypnotist!Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance.
"Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time." said Claude.
The excited chatter dropped to silence as Claude carefully withdrew from his waistcoat pocket; a beautiful antique gold pocket watch and chain."I want you to keep your eyes on this watch" said Claude, holding the watch high for all to see."It is a very special and valuable watch that has been in my family for six generations" said Claude.
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting:
"Watch the watch --- Watch the watch ----Watch the watch"
The audience became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth.The lights were twinkling as they were reflected from its gleaming surfaces.A hundred and fifty pairs of eyes followed the movements of the gently swaying watch.They were hypnotized.
And then, suddenly, the chain broke!!!The beautiful watch fell to the stage and burst apart on impact"
"S***!!" said Claude.
It took them three days to clean the Senior Citizens' Center...and Claude was never invited there again.
Like Father...
I ♥ Sausage
I ♥ Sausage
Joined: April 4, 2007
Posts: 20,164
Likes: 643
From: Just outside the middle of nowhere
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
They don't have any ***** to scratch.
They don't have any ***** to scratch.
2013 RR Boss 302 #2342
Joined: March 6, 2012
Posts: 11,801
Likes: 2,412
From: Lancaster, PA
Like Father...
I ♥ Sausage
I ♥ Sausage
Joined: April 4, 2007
Posts: 20,164
Likes: 643
From: Just outside the middle of nowhere
When Jamie Foxx gets kick back this PC crap has gone too far. Bruce Jenner is a freak and deserves to be a target for comedians. Everyone loves Jamie Foxx, those Hollywood kookballs love and defend their wierdest
Janis went to my church until JR High. The church has a picture of her in the junior choir. Her brother was a year ahead of me in school. Did not know him well but he was a cool guy.
Post *****
Joined: October 9, 2007
Posts: 32,808
Likes: 163