A Baptist pastor was presenting a children's sermon. During the
sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was.
Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can
also be very dangerous.

Having asked the children if they knew the meaning of the
resurrection, a little boy raised his hand. The pastor called on him and the little boy said, "I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor."

It took over ten minutes for the congregation to settle down enough from their laughter for the worship service to be continued.

 

lol:

 

A guy in his early 50's was working out with his trainer in an upscale gym/fitness center when a virtually perfect specimen of a young woman in her very early 30's came from the woman's locker room to start her routine. Well, naturally the guy in his 50's was in awe of this young goddess! So he turns to his trainer and asks, " What machine would it take for me to use here to ultimately capture and keep such a beautiful woman like that?!" The trainer said, " That will require many- many reps at the A.T.M. !"

 

OK here goes a long joke!

This young boy is riding his bicycle along the road when this brand new Boss 302/GT 500 (your choice) rolls by him. He being a typical preteen boy is enamored with it. He then realizes that it is going to have to stop at the redlight ahead. So he quickly pedals to catch up and pulls up beside the car and he's out of breath trying to talk. As he leans on the door 'Hey...mister...nice...car'! The driver is very appreciative and replies thanks. Then the light turns green so the driver thinks I'm going to reward this boy with a little show. So he dumps the clutch and mashes the throttle. He looks in his rearview mirror and sees the boy disappearing and then he sees him catching up with him?!? The boy on the bike goes flying past him so the driver starts to slow down. Then the boy comes flying past him going backwards like a yo-yo. Finally the driver comes to a stop and the boy comes back to the window. The driver looking in amazement at the boy goes are you alright? The young boy replies out of breath 'yeah...just...let...me...get...my...suspenders..u nhooked...from...your...sideview...mirror' Tha-dum!!!

 

Good one!

 

10 reasons why men prefer guns over women---

#10 - You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

#9 - You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

#8 - If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

#7 - Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

#6 - Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

#5 - A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

#4 - Guns function normally every day of the month.

#3 - A gun doesn't ask , "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

#2 - A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

And the Number One reason
Why Men Prefer Guns over women.....

#1 - You can buy a silencer for a gun

 

That's f'd up!

 

 

Hahaha HOSS429!!!

 

true....true!

 

An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him, "Grampa, what is couple sex?"

The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she's old enough to know to ask the question, then she's old enough to get a straight answer. Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities of intercourse.

When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement.

Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, "Why did you ask this question, honey?"

The little girl replied, "Grandma says that dinner will be ready in just a couple secs

 

 

In parochial school students are taught that lying is a sin.
However, instructors also advised that using a bit of imagination was OK to express the truth differently without lying.
Below is a perfect example of those teachings:
Getting a Hair dryer through Customs.
An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest Beside her:
'Father, may I ask a favor?
'Of course child. What may I do for you?'
'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?'
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.'
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first.
The Customs officer asked:
'Father, do you have anything to declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.'
The officer thought this answer strange, so asked:
'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the officer said:
'Go ahead, Father. Next please!'

 

 

A coupke of nights ago i was out with sone buddies drinking some beer. After i had already gone past my limit i decided to top it all off with nice big maragarita, not my best idea.

Knowing full well im well past the legal limit, i finay make a good choice... I took a taxi home.

Lucky thing i did, because on the way home i hit a police roadblock. Since im in a taxi gowever they waved the car right through.

Ten minutes later im home safe and sound which was pretty surprising.

Id never driven a taxi before, and no clue where i got it

 

Roger , 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old . Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Roger, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Roger takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.

After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Roger, Again he is ready for more 'action'. Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling. When the newly weds are done, Roger kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.

She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it - Roger is back again, rapping on the door and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more 'action' And, once more they enjoy each other.

But as Roger gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Roger."

Roger, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: "You mean I was here already?"

The moral of the story:

Don't be afraid of getting old, Alzheimer's has its advantages.

P.S. Have I posted this already? I forget

 

lol.

 

Am I mistaken? This means ALOT of horsepower right?

 

Had to think for a bit about what was humorous about the picture...then I realized you were talking about all the stickers on the back of the truck. See, here in Texas, it's uncommon for a truck NOT to look like that.

LOL

 

all i can hear in my mind when i see a truck like that is like earl dibbles jr or some redneck joke!!!