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A man and his wife were driving through Arkansas on their way from New York to California. Looking at his fuel gauge, the man decided to stop at the next gasoline station and fill up.
"What can I do fer y'all?" the attendant asked.
"Fill it with supreme, " the man said.
While the attendant was filling the tank, he looked the car up, down and sideways. "What kinda car is dis here?" he asked. "I never seen one like it before."
"It's a brand new Cadillac, " the driver said proudly. "It has power steering, power seats, power sun roof, power mirrors, AM/FM radio with a CD player, an 8-speaker stereo, rack and pinion steering, disk brakes, leather interior, digital instruments, a DVD player in the dash, etc...."
"Wow, " said the attendant. "That there's the fanciest car I ever did see."
"How much do I owe you?" asked the driver when the attendant had finished.
"That'll be $30.25, " he replied. The driver pulled out his money clip and peeled off a $20 and a $10. Then he went into his pocket and pulled out a handful of change. Mixed in with the change were a few golf tees.
"What're them little peg things there?" asked the attendant.
"That's what I put my ***** on when I drive, " said the man.
"Oh, my goodness, " said the attendant. "Them Cadillac people think of everything."
Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.
The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the final couple was newlywed.
Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.
"Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister.
"Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over."
The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.
"That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."
Gotta Have it Green Fanatic Official TMS Travel Guide
Joined: December 17, 2012
Posts: 2,558
Likes: 1,358
From: Western NC
Well this is appropriate for this section until I get my regular thread going eventually about our Rte 66 trip to Illinois and Missouri.
We never heard of this town called Uranus Missouri and the jokes at the stores were non-stop, especially at the Fudge Factory where they will 'pack your fudge in Uranus'. The cashier also said "thanks for picking Uranus". Geez, it was non stop jokes.
A neighbor of mine Ronnie recently won a new Bass boat in a raffle .. His wife asks " what are you going to do with it . there`s nowhere with deep enuff water to use it within 100 miles . Ronnie say`s i`m gunna keep it .. i won it .. A few days later the hubby`s brother comes by and say`s where`s Ronnie ? .. The wife say`s he`s sitting in his new bass boat out in the middle of the pasture .. Brother spots Ronnie a quarter mile away and yells .. What are you doing ? .. Ronnie say`s I`m fishing .. Brother yells It`s stupid things like this that give folks from Alabama a bad name ... if i could swim i`d come out there and kick you butt !
