Jokes
Tasca Super Boss 429 Member
Joined: December 11, 2007
Posts: 7,575
Likes: 11
From: Uxbridge, MA
A Mexican, an Arab,and a Texas girl are in the same bar.
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out
his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces.He says, 'In Mexico ,our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'
The Arab, obviously impressed by this,drinks non-alcohol beer(cuz he's a muslim!) throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.'
The Texas girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab.
Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says, In Texas , we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'
God Bless Texas
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out
his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces.He says, 'In Mexico ,our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'
The Arab, obviously impressed by this,drinks non-alcohol beer(cuz he's a muslim!) throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.'
The Texas girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab.
Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says, In Texas , we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'
God Bless Texas
^^^
legacy Tms Member
Joined: January 27, 2007
Posts: 4,617
Likes: 176
From: alerbamer
ok .. tasteless joke time .. some of you may not know who jeffery dahmer was and most certainly hope no one knows any victoms .. but at any rate when the investigators were in his home they opened up his fridge and found a large jar full of noses .. perplexed they asked mr dahmer what he had intended to do with all those noses .. he replied " i had planned to make myself a dahmer nose pizza ...
Member
Joined: November 4, 2011
Posts: 145
Likes: 0
From: Killeen, Tx
As a little girl is coming out of school, a man pulls up in his car, rolls down the window and says to her, "I'll give you a sweet if you'll get in the car with me." The little girl says, "No, I not getting in the car." The next day the same man pulls up again, rolls down the window and says to the same little girl, "I'll give you two sweets if you'll get in the car with me." The little girl repeats, "No, I'm not getting in the car." The third day the man pulls up and offers her a whole bag of sweets if she will get into the car. "No Dad," replies the girl, "There's no way I'm getting into the Camaro!"
Tasca Super Boss 429 Member
Joined: December 11, 2007
Posts: 7,575
Likes: 11
From: Uxbridge, MA
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching hiswife, who was looking at herself in the mirror.
Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to
have for her birthday.
'I'd like to be six again', she replied, still lookingin the mirror .
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the ScreamingRoller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being six again?'
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.
'I meant my dress size, you retard!!!!'
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.
Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to
have for her birthday.
'I'd like to be six again', she replied, still lookingin the mirror .
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the ScreamingRoller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being six again?'
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.
'I meant my dress size, you retard!!!!'
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.
Shelby GT350 Member
Joined: April 20, 2010
Posts: 2,121
Likes: 3
From: Dallas
Originally Posted by denlem
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching hiswife, who was looking at herself in the mirror.
Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to
have for her birthday.
'I'd like to be six again', she replied, still lookingin the mirror .
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the ScreamingRoller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being six again?'
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.
'I meant my dress size, you retard!!!!'
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.
Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to
have for her birthday.
'I'd like to be six again', she replied, still lookingin the mirror .
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the ScreamingRoller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being six again?'
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.
'I meant my dress size, you retard!!!!'
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.
TMS Post # 1,000,000
Serbian Steamer
Serbian Steamer
Joined: January 30, 2004
Posts: 12,636
Likes: 0
From: Wisconsin / Serbia
I really hope nobody here gets insulted by this joke.
"A big TV station decided to do a story on the following topic "What is your personal opinion of scarcity of food in the rest of the world?" The story failed because ...
- In Africa people didn't know what the food is.
- In Eastern Europe people didn't know what personal opinion is.
- In Western Europe people didn't know what scarcity is.
- In America people didn't know what the rest of the world is."
"A big TV station decided to do a story on the following topic "What is your personal opinion of scarcity of food in the rest of the world?" The story failed because ...
- In Africa people didn't know what the food is.
- In Eastern Europe people didn't know what personal opinion is.
- In Western Europe people didn't know what scarcity is.
- In America people didn't know what the rest of the world is."
Last edited by Zastava_101; Nov 21, 2011 at 12:42 PM.
Post *****
Joined: December 14, 2007
Posts: 19,953
Likes: 4
From: State of Jefferson Mountains USA
"A big TV station decided to do a story on the following topic "What is your personal opinion of scarcity of food in the rest of the world?" The story failed because ...
- In Africa people didn't know what the food is.
- In Eastern Europe people didn't know what personal opinion is.
- In Western Europe people didn't know what scarcity is.
- In America people didn't know what the rest of the world is."
Last edited by cdynaco; Nov 21, 2011 at 01:06 PM.
