" Ariot is an ugly thing, once you get one started its hard to stop it..

 

"A man travels the world over in search of what he needs, and returns home to find it."

-- George Moore


"Nananana. Nanananana"

-- Chevy Chase as Ty Webb


"Can I borrow your towel? My car just hit a water buffalo."

-- Chevy Chase as Fletch


"Are you a cop?"
"As far as you know."

-- Chevy Chase as Fletch to young car thief


"Its all ball bearings nowadays!"

-- Chevy Chase as Fletch

 

Caddyshack

Bill Murray as Carl Spackler


Sandy: I want you to kill every gophers on the golf course!
Carl Spackler: Correct me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers, they're gonna lock me up and throw away the key...
Sandy: Not golfers, you great fool! Gophers! The *little* *brown*, *furry* *rodents* -!
Carl Spackler: We can do that; we don't even have to have a reason. All right, let's do the same thing, but with gophers -!


And my absolute favorite Caddyshack line that I use whenever I can the last line here...

Carl Spackler: So I jump ship in Hong Kong and I make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas.
Angie D'Annunzio: A looper?
Carl Spackler: A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-lagunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.

 

Carl Spackler: Cannonball!

 

Carl Spackler: I smell varmint poontang. And the only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang, I think.

 

Carl Spackler: [preparing to dynamite the gopher tunnel] In the immortal words of Jean Paul Sartre, 'Au revoir, gopher'.

 

Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.
Mark Twain

 

Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.
William James

 

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
Bill Cosby

 

There are no stupid questions, only stupid people.

 

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
Bill Cosby

 

I rant, therefore I am.
Dennis Miller

 

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
Albert Einstein