How fights start
1/5/10, 10:23 AM
#1
AKA 1 BULLITT------------ Legacy TMS Member
Thread Starter
How fights start
How Fights Start:
One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
************************************************** **********************
I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
“Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!” she said.
So I suggested, “How about the kitchen?”
And that's when the fight started....
**************************************** ********************************
My wife and I are watching Who Wants to Be a Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”
“No,” she answered.
I then said, “Is that your final answer?”
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, “Yes.”
So I said, “Then I'd like to phone a friend.”
And that's when the fight started....
**** ************************************************** ******************
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And that's when the fight started......
************************************************** *******************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
“I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.”
He said, “Aren't you worried about the mad cow?”
“Nah, she can order for herself.”
And that's when the fight started.....
************************************************** **********************
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels.
She asked, “What's on TV?”
I said, “Dust.”
And then the fight started...
************************************************** **********************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.”
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started....
************************************************** **********************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, “Do you know him?”
“Yes,” she sighed, “He's my old boy friend ... I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.”
“My God” I said, “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”
And then the fight started...
************************************************** **********************
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, “I AM NOT HAPPY!”
So, I looked down at him and said, “Well, then which one are you?”
And then the fight started....
1/5/10, 12:42 PM
#2
Legacy TMS Member
heres a few that didn't start a fight
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
10. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, you stay here; I'll go on a head.
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me..
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, 'Keep off the Grass.'
15. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
16. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
17. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
18. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
19. A backward poet writes inverse.
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
10. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, you stay here; I'll go on a head.
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me..
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, 'Keep off the Grass.'
15. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
16. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
17. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
18. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
19. A backward poet writes inverse.
1/5/10, 02:21 PM
#5
1/6/10, 09:37 AM
#6
Founding MOTM
Committee Member
Committee Member
I'm laughing, but also wondering if you slept on the couch. 
1/6/10, 10:28 AM
#7
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