Okay so heres the deal - I was with this girl on and off for six years. When we met, she was 15 and I was 18, we were both in high school (sophomore and senior, respectively). Our relationship has been. . . interesting to say the least, bordering on tumultuous. We finally ended things in the middle of July and by the first week of August I had met someone; shes fun, flirty, exciting and great in all the best ways (you know what I mean). The only problem is, shes 17 ( a senior in HS now) and Im 23(in my last year of college - I took my time). Ive been with other girls throughout the last 6 years, all of them close to my age (the youngest being 19, earlier this year, the oldest being 24, also earlier this year). I guess what Im getting at is - am I nuts? Should I be seriously reconsidering this relationship? I like being with her and the bedroom romps are great but sometimes she sounds like a kid and it kind of gets on my nerves, but on the other hand on the whole I enjoy the time I spend with her and the love making is great ( did i mention how great the love making is?) Im not looking to get married to her and Im very realistic about the fact that shell be going away to college next year, but am I out of my mind for even getting myself into this? or should I just enjoy the ride while it lasts?

 

The crass, lascivious answer: Ride on, cowboy. Sounds like it won't be lasting, if she's off to college and you're not gonna marry her. Life's short enough, enjoy it while it's here, and you're both amenable.

But... why does it feel that's not the right answer, and you're looking for something else... like you've not asked the right question yet?

/Unless it's her age of 17, in which case the only answer I have is this: If it's legal in your state, and she's ok with it, and you're ok with it, then....
//Of course, there's the whole 'before you're married' thing, but I'm guessin' that's not the issue you're wrestlin' with.

 

If you`re looking for a serious reletionship forget it, but if you wanna pound some!!! then be her guest!!! fudge the hell out of her until she goes to colege!
But if she looks like this forget about it!!!

 

Do her parents know? I wouldn't be ok with my 17 year old daughter dating a 23 year old.

 

Yeah, I thought of that too, but I'm guessin' they're keepin' it on the down low.

 

Actually the strange thing is its my parents who don't know her real age because my mom will berate me for it nonstop. Her parents on the other hand are begrudgingly accepting. And yes its legal in both NY where I live and NJ where she lives. I guess the only problem I've got with it is that despite the legality its still something of a social taboo which in turn makes me feel like a loser. **** why can't I live on Wisteria Lane and have a 35 year old desperate housewife to tussle with?

 

6 years is not the big of a deal if you are both committed. My sister dated all through high school a guy 6 years older...they are married now.

but if you have absolutely no plans for commitment- break it off and stop leading her on. She is too young to be waiting on you for nothing when she could be out looking for someone who will commit to her.

 

Social taboo? Those who would say that about your ages are children of conformity and bias.

Age is but a number, and age gap doubly so. Besides, 6 years isn't anything much... try 15, 20, those are harder, but still it does happen.

It's all about your both understanding it, accepting it, and dealing with it. Sometimes you gotta go up to her level of maturity, and sometimes she has to come down to yours...

/we are talking about girls and guys, so no, I didn't get that backwards.

 

Uh, what is the legal age of consent these days? I am 8 years older than my wife. I started dating her when she was 19. We dated for a little while then she dumped me when she moved away to go to school, that is just how it is. 1 year later we got back together and have been together ever since. Anyway, you mention love making. Let's face facts. At your age, you are just having sex and you love to have it. That is pretty much it. You might care about her and she might care about you but at 17 she is still a kid so of course you might think she is acting a bit immature at times. All comes down to how you can handle it. I can tell you there will be a lot of awkward times when her friends think of you as the "old guy" and if either of your parents have a problem with it, well, that won't help things at all.

 

the age of consent in NY is 17; in NJ its 16, which I think is a little weird. Even though its only one year that year can make a pretty big difference.

 

I'm now 31 and the lady who graces my life with her presence (shes over my shoulder!) is 21. We met while she was 18 and I was 28. There is a rather good age difference, however she is far more mature than almost all the people I met at that age... even more than me at that age. Heh. I say, go for it, enjoy it, and if its just a short term thing make it the most and part on the best.

 

Yup, statutory rape and all that (not to mention the sex offender status) if somebody gets stupid about it. The age of consent laws in the US need to be overhauled and unified IMO, theres alot of room for abuse in there.

In any event and my two bits, most people dont have their head on straight till well into thier twenties or thirties, so I'm going with houtex's option a) "The crass, lascivious answer: Ride on, cowboy."

 

I would consider you a pervert if you were dating my 17 year old daughter legal or not. I just believe they can still be manipulated to do what you want them to do. Find someone that is on the same maturity level as you are which I think would be someone 20 or older. That is unless you have the mind of a 17 year old. In which case you need some help. I see what your doing as rape mental and physical.

 

+1 what he said.
If my 17 year old daughter came home with a 23 year old, let's just say someone would need crutches by the end of the evening...

 

My wife is 8yrs younger than me as well. She's 21 and Im 29. I've known her for years, and really watched her grow up sorta and her maturity level surpassed mine by far Its all in how the younger in the group act and carry their own life. My parents and her parents are totally fine with it. My parents are just happy in the fact I am happy as I can be, and her parents are happy that she found someone thats going to take care of her. We just had a precious baby girl on Thursday.

One of the biggest keys to survive the relationship if you wish it to continue is be up front and honest with each other. And if you know its not going anywere down the road, please make sure you take all the precautions in your sexual activity. The last thing you need is an unexpected child. I don't think your ready for that commitment.

 

I don't see a problem with age gaps as long as those gaps are between full grown adults out of highschool. My daughter is dating someone 7 years older than she is but they started dating when she was 21.

 

When I was 17, I would have NEVER dated someone that was 23, and my parents would have killed me over it, too. The guy i've been dating for 3.5 years now is only a year and a half older than me, but that's comfortable for me. To turn it around, i'd probably turn into a vegetarian before I dated a 17 year old as i'm 23 now. Age difference becomes less of an issue the older you get, but at 17 even with the upmost maturity there are just things that come with age.