Things that took 50 years to learn...
12/4/04 | 09:03 PM
#1
Thread Starter
After all these years,
My C/T still sucks!
My C/T still sucks!
Joined: May 5, 2004
Posts: 7,188
Likes: 0
From: Orlando(DP!) Florida
THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN:
by Dave Barry
1 Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4.People who want to share their religious/political views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6.Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13 A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2030, there should be a large elderly population with perky ***** and huge erections and absolutely no clue of what to do with them.
by Dave Barry
1 Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4.People who want to share their religious/political views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6.Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13 A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2030, there should be a large elderly population with perky ***** and huge erections and absolutely no clue of what to do with them.
12/4/04 | 09:26 PM
#2
Cobra Member
Joined: May 15, 2004
Posts: 1,422
Likes: 0
Originally posted by EleanorsMine@December 4, 2004, 10:06 PM
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
I agree with 'em all, but especially that one...
12/4/04 | 10:04 PM
#3
I'm people, and I like.
Joined: March 13, 2004
Posts: 9,242
Likes: 0
From: PDX
wow... all of that is true!
especially this one:
Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
especially this one:
Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
12/5/04 | 12:37 PM
#6
Post *****
Joined: May 13, 2004
Posts: 18,614
Likes: 3
From: Berkeley/Redwood City, CA
16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2030, there should be a large elderly population with perky ***** and huge erections and absolutely no clue of what to do with them.
FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2030, there should be a large elderly population with perky ***** and huge erections and absolutely no clue of what to do with them.
12/7/04 | 11:55 AM
#9
Thread Starter
After all these years,
My C/T still sucks!
My C/T still sucks!
Joined: May 5, 2004
Posts: 7,188
Likes: 0
From: Orlando(DP!) Florida
Originally posted by ItsNotABulliT@December 7, 2004, 1:51 PM
That was great April, thanks for the laugh!
That was great April, thanks for the laugh!
Thought maybe u just didnt like me or something... I couldn't find a :hug: smiley...
12/7/04 | 02:42 PM
#12
Shelby GT500 Member
Joined: March 10, 2004
Posts: 2,585
Likes: 2
From: Sherman, TX
Originally posted by EleanorsMine@December 7, 2004, 2:30 PM
On a side note- Fridays spinach cheese dip rocks with tostitos gold!
On a side note- Fridays spinach cheese dip rocks with tostitos gold!
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