one hung low

 

I'd give my left hand to be ambidextrous.

 

you can lead a horse to water but you cant make him fish

 

Empty barrels make the most noise.

 

E-mail, Twitter, and Facebook are three best friends and three worst enemies.

 

yeah its all original except for.....


It's like the the joke about the woodman's axe: ”It's a great axe-had it for years... I've replaced the head twice and the handle three times!”

 

When someone is feeling sick, you might hear it said around here, "I feel like I've been shot at and missed then $h!t at and hit"!

 

Yeah, that one is used here too, but also, "I feel like I've been eaten by a bear and $h!t off of a cliff".




"I've got to go see a man about a horse" to excuse yourself from a situation without being explicit about where you are going. I usually hear it used when one goes to take a leak.

 

Talking about the horse was usually a #2.


That reminds me of the "thought you went to schit and the hawgs ate ya!" if you took too long to do something.

Back in the day (early 60's rural farm country) you had to walk through the yard to the outhouse, and that sometimes meant animals along the way. I remember as a little kid about 6 at my Great Uncle Bob's along the Missouri River, you'd walk across these 1x12 planks to get to the outhouse (cause of spring mud) and there were chickens fenced in that part of the yard. I swear those **** chickens crapped on my leg a couple of times!! Didn't know they could aim!! Little bastards! Think I'll cook up another one tonight!! LOL

Outhouses were the only bad part of 'going to the country' to visit relatives. They didn't even have running water in the house yet. Had a breezeway with a cement slab which was the top of the sistern. Rain water came via gutter and filled it up. Had a hand crank pump to fetch water but at least it was under roof next to the kitchen. Hard to believe it was still like that in the 60's. My folks would always joke about the bird crap in the water from draining off the roof. LOL

 

He’ s so stupid his parents should have hit him in the head with a hammer and raised a pig on the milk.

 

Nuttier than a squirrel turd.

 

Mosquitoes big enough to stand flat footed and screw a turkey.

 

I've heard this one in reference to asking somebody how they are doing

"I'm finer than a frog's hair split four ways"