cntchds

(Edited)

I don't know what to do guys. I know it was just a gesture of trust, but it seems to be quite a bigger thing than just a "thank you for telling me that, now I know you trust me" type deal. It feels like I should do something, but as you can see in the first part of this, we aren't close, hell, I don't even know her last name. I've met her in person three times, but we talk online a lot. I don't know if it is my place to report something or try to tell her what to do, because I don't want her to feel betrayed by yet another male figure in her life. Please, someone, advice?

Faber

Do what is right, regardless of how someone may or may not feel.

Glenn

first thought has to do with a 45 and some ones knee caps. How old is she? How far away from you does she live? I say get her to report it. If nothing else and I know you will is to be as supportive as you possible can. See if you can get her some professional help. Its a tough one for you and tougher for her

cntchds

Glenn, I shared your first thought. She is fifteen, and I don't know where she lives. She goes to a school pretty close to mine though. I'm going to try to talk her into reporting it, but she seems to think that this is a family thing and that her family can just work it out. If I ever, ever see any signs of abuse on her, bruises, scratches, I'm calling the cops. I don't care if she ends up hating me, I don't know if I could live with myself knowing that I didn't do anything.

StangMahn

she might would hate you initially, but when she's in her mid 20's she'll thank you

Glenn

if you know what school she goes to or what town she lives in maybe you could call the school or a police detective on monday.

Boomer

I edited out the convo.
I think the point can get across without posting the actual dialogue

MustangLynda

Tell her to dial 911 next time it happens, just like she would if anyone else was attacking her.

cntchds

Summary:
Father and brother are abusive. She lives with them every weekend. Mother knows, and hasn't really done anything to prevent said abuse. She doesn't want to get her brother/father in trouble, and thinks it is a "family problem."

Advice? I feel like there should be something that I can do, but I don't know if I would be over reacting to call the police, or the school. I don't think it would be right of me to sit back and wait for it to happen again before I do something, though. What would you do? Just take a step back and let her deal with it?

future9er24

This situation, as I've mentioned before, is an all around hellhole. I really wish I could say I knew what to do here man :-\

I do agree with your idea of going all out if you ever see any evidence of abuse on her, but somehow it feels like thats just not enough, you know? at the same time its hard to know what is too much. keep talking to her about it is all I can think to say, maybe with time you can convince her to go to the police herself?

MustangLynda

Thinking about this - one thing you could do is print out the conversation and take it to your local police dept and ask THEM what to do. Let them take the responsibility of choosing whether or not to investigate, and if they do, chances are you are not going to be named as the source. Simply provide the information you have and leave it in their hands. This way you have done what you need to do and at the same time she will not feel betrayed by you.

I really feel like if you try to get involved directly in any way you will wind up in trouble yourself, in fact she herself may even end up turning on you.

Glenn

great call Lynda

Glenn

I say if there is any way you can prevent a next time from happening you should make every effort to do just that.
She told you and I think that is a big step for her I think she is reaching out for help. Help her any way you can. I would

Mackitraz

I agree with Lynda, although I'm pretty sure the police won't do anything without anything else. Honestly, abuse is a horrible cycle to break (my mother was the victim of something similar), she really has to initiate any legal process unless there is incontrovertible evidence of abuse on her person (I'm not a lawyer, correct me if I'm wrong here).

I'm not trying to play devils advocate, but the police might, how do you know this is real? Just throwing it out there that someone might not be on the up and up, and may be a ploy for attention. I'm not doubting your integrity, but the world is made up of all kinds, including messed up folks. I'm just saying this because this will probably go through the minds of police you might talk to. Like I said, she probably has to make the first move, or someone related to the situation. I would try to convince her to at least talk to someone she feels she can trust that isn't in the current situation, or it may never see some resolution.

MustangLynda

I thought of that too, and it's another good reason to not accuse anyone directly. On the off chance it is in fact not happening, he could be looking at a civil lawsuit (libel). I know I'd be pi**ed.

cntchds

Unfortunately that is exactly the reason that I haven't done anything. Of course I trust that she needs some help, but the fear that this is a bit exaggerated is making me scared to go out of my way and possibly get some people in a lot more trouble than they deserve. I really like that idea of giving the conversation to the police and see what they say...

Mackitraz

I feel for you, and I understand your feelings. I had a ex-girlfriend call me up and told me she wanted to hear my voice as she died after taking every pill in her bathroom. I didn't believe her at first, but within 5min she was slurring her words. I had a second line, I dialed 911. She was pissed at the time, she was grateful later.

Put it this way, if you give a transcript of the conversation to the cops, can it hurt anything? They may not do anything, but if she ever reports it, they already have some possible documentation. I don't think you can do much more than this, but it might be worth at least giving it a try. Do you know the person's real name? or any personal data for them to go on? Might be important.

cheekie

Have you called the abuse hotline in your area and get some advice? Is she a minor, if so you should do what you can to stop it.
Just remember, you can only do so much and try not to hold on to it, for your own sake.

cntchds

Mackitraz: I talked to her yesterday and got a lot more of her personal information, but no more talk about the abuse. From what she has told me it's been going on for a long time though.

Cheekie: I have yet to call the abuse hotline, and I don't want to do it at home, because I really don't want to get in yet another argument with my parents. So I have to wait until no one else is home for me to call (my cell phone only texts). I do understand that it isn't my responsibility to be the solution, though, and realize that I may not be able to do much, if anything.

Clark Kent

man call the cops..or do what I would do and go over there and introduce those to some abuse and that way they could find out how it feels first hand.