Young Chuck Norris
1/26/06, 04:11 PM
#5
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- Chuck Norris raises his IQ by eating a gifted child.
- When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
- The Dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. ONCE.
- If at first you don't succeed, you're obviously not Chuck Norris.
- When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side
- When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
- The Dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. ONCE.
- If at first you don't succeed, you're obviously not Chuck Norris.
- When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side
1/26/06, 05:50 PM
#6
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Chuck Norris once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!
I once saw Chuck Norris scissor kick Angela Landsbury!
He did 3 tours in 'Nam...... I was in Corpus Christi on business a month ago. I had this eight foot tall Asian waiter, which made me curious. I asked him his name. Sure enough it's Ho Tran Norris!
Chuck Norris drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for 8 months straight. When he woke he rubbed his eyes and said, 'All in all, I prefer whiskey.
Chuck Norris once got his wife pregnant and gave birth to a delicious 24 ounce steak. The after birth was sauteed mushrooms.
Chuck Norris's semen can form into a liquid human - like the guy from 'Terminator 2
Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
I once saw Chuck Norris scissor kick Angela Landsbury!
He did 3 tours in 'Nam...... I was in Corpus Christi on business a month ago. I had this eight foot tall Asian waiter, which made me curious. I asked him his name. Sure enough it's Ho Tran Norris!
Chuck Norris drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for 8 months straight. When he woke he rubbed his eyes and said, 'All in all, I prefer whiskey.
Chuck Norris once got his wife pregnant and gave birth to a delicious 24 ounce steak. The after birth was sauteed mushrooms.
Chuck Norris's semen can form into a liquid human - like the guy from 'Terminator 2
Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
1/26/06, 06:00 PM
#7
After all these years,
My C/T still sucks!
My C/T still sucks!
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Chuck Norris was the fourth Wise Man. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
1/27/06, 07:02 PM
#9
After all these years,
My C/T still sucks!
My C/T still sucks!
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1/29/06, 10:06 AM
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Chuck Norris can hear testosterone.
If Chuck Norris were a sports drink he would only come in one flavor- cyanide.
Chuck Norris doesn't shake after he pees.
A kid once stole Chuck Norris' hat and ran into an apple orchard. Chuck Norris flew into such a rage that he accidentally invented apple sauce.
Chuck Norris was put on this earth to do two things: drink some beer and kick some hiney. Chuck Norris successfully drank all of the beer this world had to offer by the time he was 3 months old. He has been kicking hiney ever since.
If Chuck Norris were a sports drink he would only come in one flavor- cyanide.
Chuck Norris doesn't shake after he pees.
A kid once stole Chuck Norris' hat and ran into an apple orchard. Chuck Norris flew into such a rage that he accidentally invented apple sauce.
Chuck Norris was put on this earth to do two things: drink some beer and kick some hiney. Chuck Norris successfully drank all of the beer this world had to offer by the time he was 3 months old. He has been kicking hiney ever since.
1/29/06, 12:46 PM
#12
After all these years,
My C/T still sucks!
My C/T still sucks!
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Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.
Chuck Norris knows a wrong way to eat a Reeses.
There's no such thing as a tornado. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
On Neil Armstrong's second step on the moon, he found a note that said, "Chuck Norris was here."
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.
Chuck Norris knows a wrong way to eat a Reeses.
There's no such thing as a tornado. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
On Neil Armstrong's second step on the moon, he found a note that said, "Chuck Norris was here."
1/29/06, 01:17 PM
#13
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Chuck Norris once swallowed a live grenade. When it exploded, he burped and exclaimed, "That's a spicy meatball."
Despite what your family, your doctor, even what your geneaolgy says, Chuck Norris IS your daddy.
By Presidential decree, everytime Chuck Norris touches up his beard the trimmings are gathered and buried at Arlington Cemetary with full honors
Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom.
Chuck Norris was the secret briefcase item in Pulp Fiction.
Despite what your family, your doctor, even what your geneaolgy says, Chuck Norris IS your daddy.
By Presidential decree, everytime Chuck Norris touches up his beard the trimmings are gathered and buried at Arlington Cemetary with full honors
Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom.
Chuck Norris was the secret briefcase item in Pulp Fiction.
1/29/06, 03:01 PM
#14
After all these years,
My C/T still sucks!
My C/T still sucks!
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Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot hiney kicking in real-time.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever
The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more *********?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot hiney kicking in real-time.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever
The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more *********?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
1/29/06, 07:04 PM
#15
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Originally posted by EleanorsMine@January 29, 2006, 4:04 PM
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more *********?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more *********?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
Mr. T and Chuck Norris used to work together. Whenever Mr. T pitied someone, he would throw them into the air, then Chuck would roundhouse kick them into a low orbit around the Earth. This time period is commonly known today as the "Black Plague".
Mr. T once bought a gold chain that turned out to have been made of pyrite. Upon realizing that it was not real gold, he gave a generous beating to the seller. Ever since, pyrite has been called "Fool's Gold."
Rumour has it that Mr. T was Mel Gibsons first choice to play Jesus in The Passion of the Christ. However, Bible belt lobbyists complained when a draft script showed Jesus's dying words to be "Dear Father, take pity on these fools, they know not what they do"
During the 60's Mr T was drafted for Vietnam. In the armory he asked only for a loin cloth and a rubber knife.
Mr. T came before the chicken and the egg.
2/5/06, 09:58 AM
#16
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<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(AFBLUE @ January 27, 2006, 8:59 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
No, not "WTF?"
"WTC?"
[/b][/quote]
That is perfect! Going to post that in my office. The Airmen are always quoting the Chuck sayings around the office.
[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/lol.gif[/img]
No, not "WTF?"
"WTC?"
[/b][/quote]
That is perfect! Going to post that in my office. The Airmen are always quoting the Chuck sayings around the office.
[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/lol.gif[/img]
2/5/06, 10:24 AM
#17
Dethroned Nascar Guru
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(MilStang @ February 5, 2006, 11:01 AM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
That is perfect! Going to post that in my office. The Airmen are always quoting the Chuck sayings around the office.
[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/lol.gif[/img]
[/b][/quote]
Same here. I was introduced to Chuck Norris facts by TMS. I sent it to guys in my office (airmen, sailors, soldiers) and now, it has spread like widefire. Every Monday, there is the official reading of new Norris facts.
That is perfect! Going to post that in my office. The Airmen are always quoting the Chuck sayings around the office.
[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/lol.gif[/img]
[/b][/quote]
Same here. I was introduced to Chuck Norris facts by TMS. I sent it to guys in my office (airmen, sailors, soldiers) and now, it has spread like widefire. Every Monday, there is the official reading of new Norris facts.
2/5/06, 12:54 PM
#18
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<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(AFBLUE @ February 5, 2006, 12:27 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
Same here. I was introduced to Chuck Norris facts by TMS. I sent it to guys in my office (airmen, sailors, soldiers) and now, it has spread like widefire. Every Monday, there is the official reading of new Norris facts.
[/b][/quote]
Hmm...I might know where you worked. Either it is the same place I was working until I PCS'd or it is one of the organizations I worked with in the SA area.
I didn't know there was new ones coming out that often.
[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/thumb.gif[/img]
Same here. I was introduced to Chuck Norris facts by TMS. I sent it to guys in my office (airmen, sailors, soldiers) and now, it has spread like widefire. Every Monday, there is the official reading of new Norris facts.
[/b][/quote]
Hmm...I might know where you worked. Either it is the same place I was working until I PCS'd or it is one of the organizations I worked with in the SA area.
I didn't know there was new ones coming out that often.
[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/thumb.gif[/img]
2/5/06, 03:35 PM
#19
After all these years,
My C/T still sucks!
My C/T still sucks!
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19 More Facts About Chuck Norris
1. When a tsunami happens, it’s because Chuck Norris has been swimming laps in the ocean.
2. Chuck Norris poops light sabers.
3. Chuck Norris clips his toenails with a chain saw. But he holds it backwards.
4. Chuck Norris likes his coffee like he likes his women: ground up, packed in a burlap sack, and thrown over the back of a donkey.
5. Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Chuck Norris threw it.
6. Chuck Norris’s belly button is actually a power outlet.
7. Camels have a hump because Chuck Norris needed a place to store his kills.
8. Chuck Norris has a beautiful singing voice. Unfortunately, the sound of it would melt the average human brain.
9. Chuck Norris has a pet kitten - every night for a snack.
10. On his birthday, Chuck Norris blows out his candles by blinking.
11. Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
12. When Chuck Norris vomits, wealthy people scavenge it for food. Too bad for them Chuck Norris never vomits.
13. If Chuck Norris were a ballet dancer, he’d strangle you gracefully with his tutu. And then himself.
14. Chuck Norris graduated from school with a degree in Chuck Norris.
15. Our founding fathers originally decreed a strict separation between Chuck Norris and state. Chuck Norris eliminated them.
16. The only thing Chuck Norris fears is Chuck Norris.
17. Chuck Norris uses staples as hair gel.
18. Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
19. Even Chuck Norris can’t believe nobody Chuck Norrised this guy a long time ago.
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1. When a tsunami happens, it’s because Chuck Norris has been swimming laps in the ocean.
2. Chuck Norris poops light sabers.
3. Chuck Norris clips his toenails with a chain saw. But he holds it backwards.
4. Chuck Norris likes his coffee like he likes his women: ground up, packed in a burlap sack, and thrown over the back of a donkey.
5. Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Chuck Norris threw it.
6. Chuck Norris’s belly button is actually a power outlet.
7. Camels have a hump because Chuck Norris needed a place to store his kills.
8. Chuck Norris has a beautiful singing voice. Unfortunately, the sound of it would melt the average human brain.
9. Chuck Norris has a pet kitten - every night for a snack.
10. On his birthday, Chuck Norris blows out his candles by blinking.
11. Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
12. When Chuck Norris vomits, wealthy people scavenge it for food. Too bad for them Chuck Norris never vomits.
13. If Chuck Norris were a ballet dancer, he’d strangle you gracefully with his tutu. And then himself.
14. Chuck Norris graduated from school with a degree in Chuck Norris.
15. Our founding fathers originally decreed a strict separation between Chuck Norris and state. Chuck Norris eliminated them.
16. The only thing Chuck Norris fears is Chuck Norris.
17. Chuck Norris uses staples as hair gel.
18. Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
19. Even Chuck Norris can’t believe nobody Chuck Norrised this guy a long time ago.
Click me
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