Rules......
3/8/05, 05:02 AM
#1
After all these years,
My C/T still sucks!
My C/T still sucks!
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In an effort to help outsiders understand the rules of the Southerner's mind, the following list should be handed to each person as they enter a Southern State. i.e. Texas, Alabama, Tennessee, Georgia, Arkansas, Missouri, etc.
1. That farm boy you see at the gas station did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lincoln Navigator. Drive it or get it out of the way!
3. The red dirt -- it's called clay. Red clay. If you like the color, don't wash your car for a couple weeks -- it'll be permanent.
4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw that Bambi movie, too. We got over it.
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis fly rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle . We have a name for those little 13-inch Trout you fish for: BAIT !
6. Pull your pants up! You look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might want to ensure it's not up to your ear at the time.
8. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
9. Tea -- yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and it's sweet. You want it hot? Set it in the sun. You want it unsweetened? Add a lot of water.
10. You bring Coke into our house! It better be brown, bubbly, and served over ice!
11. You have a sixty-thousand-dollar car. We're real impressed. We have a quarter of a million-dollar Combine that we only use two weeks a year.
12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
13. We eat supper (dinner? we ate at noon) together with our families. We pray before we eat--yeah, even breakfast. We go to church on Sundays, and we go to high school football games on Friday nights. We still address our seniors with "yes, sir" and "yes, ma'am," and we sometimes still take Sunday drives around town to see friends and neighbors.
14. We don't do "hurry up" real well.
15. Greens -- yeah, we have greens, but you don't putt on them. You boil them with fatback or bacon and sometimes eat them with a smoked hog jowl.
16. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream, and carp. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available down at the bait shop.
17. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 95 goes two ways. Interstate 40 goes the other two. Pick one.
18. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper on them. If you want to put milk and sugar on them, then you want Cream of Wheat -- go to Kansas . That would be I-70 West.
19. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season or dove season. Both are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage before daylight at the church on either day.
20. So every person in every pickup truck waves? Yeah, it's called being friendly. You understand the concept?
21. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish and bothers the gators -- and, if you hit it in the rough, we have these things called diamondbacks, and they're not baseball players.
22. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot -His name is "Sir," no matter how young he is.
23. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them. You park your darn Navigator under them, and they'll leave a souvenir on your hood.
24. You burn an American Flag in our state, you get beat up. No questions. The liberal contingent of our state legislature enacted a measure to stop this. There is now a $2.50 fine for beating up the flag burner.
1. That farm boy you see at the gas station did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lincoln Navigator. Drive it or get it out of the way!
3. The red dirt -- it's called clay. Red clay. If you like the color, don't wash your car for a couple weeks -- it'll be permanent.
4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw that Bambi movie, too. We got over it.
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis fly rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle . We have a name for those little 13-inch Trout you fish for: BAIT !
6. Pull your pants up! You look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might want to ensure it's not up to your ear at the time.
8. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
9. Tea -- yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and it's sweet. You want it hot? Set it in the sun. You want it unsweetened? Add a lot of water.
10. You bring Coke into our house! It better be brown, bubbly, and served over ice!
11. You have a sixty-thousand-dollar car. We're real impressed. We have a quarter of a million-dollar Combine that we only use two weeks a year.
12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
13. We eat supper (dinner? we ate at noon) together with our families. We pray before we eat--yeah, even breakfast. We go to church on Sundays, and we go to high school football games on Friday nights. We still address our seniors with "yes, sir" and "yes, ma'am," and we sometimes still take Sunday drives around town to see friends and neighbors.
14. We don't do "hurry up" real well.
15. Greens -- yeah, we have greens, but you don't putt on them. You boil them with fatback or bacon and sometimes eat them with a smoked hog jowl.
16. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream, and carp. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available down at the bait shop.
17. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 95 goes two ways. Interstate 40 goes the other two. Pick one.
18. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper on them. If you want to put milk and sugar on them, then you want Cream of Wheat -- go to Kansas . That would be I-70 West.
19. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season or dove season. Both are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage before daylight at the church on either day.
20. So every person in every pickup truck waves? Yeah, it's called being friendly. You understand the concept?
21. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish and bothers the gators -- and, if you hit it in the rough, we have these things called diamondbacks, and they're not baseball players.
22. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot -His name is "Sir," no matter how young he is.
23. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them. You park your darn Navigator under them, and they'll leave a souvenir on your hood.
24. You burn an American Flag in our state, you get beat up. No questions. The liberal contingent of our state legislature enacted a measure to stop this. There is now a $2.50 fine for beating up the flag burner.
3/8/05, 05:25 AM
#2
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3/8/05, 07:29 AM
#3
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$2.50 per incident or lifetime membership?
3/8/05, 03:55 PM
#6
After all these years,
My C/T still sucks!
My C/T still sucks!
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Rules for Yankees who move to the South:
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed
later how to use it.
2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as
"Bubba". You have a 75% chance of being right.
3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we
can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men
in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain
will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way.
This is what they live for.
5. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the
same store.
6. Do not buy food at the movie store.
7. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth
cooking, let alone eat it.
8. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All
y'all's" is plural possessive.
9. There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a
southern accent, unless it is a southerner imitating a Boston accent.
10. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
11. People walk slower here.
12. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They
don't understand you either.
13. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted
Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck"
or "big ol' boy". Eighty-five percent begin their new southern influenced
dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it.
14. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer
proper.
15. Be advised: The "He needed killin'" defense is valid here.
16. If attending a funeral in the South, remember, we stay until
the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down.
17. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!"
stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.
18. Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore
those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a
southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car
was purchased.
19. Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of
their car's windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.
20. The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can
wait until November.
22. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even
the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the
local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the
store, it is just something you're supposed to do.
23. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you
purchase one it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer.
This is logical bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the
trailer and should, therefore, be displayed.
24. Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot
in common. In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer.
25. Florida is not considered a southern state. There are far
more Yankees than Southerners living there.
26. In southern churches you will here the hymn, All Glory, Laud
and Honor. You will also here expressions such as, "Laud, have mercy",
"Good Laud", and "Laudy, Laudy, Laudy".
27. As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph
zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to
drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper
speed and lane position for the vehicle.
28. You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you
already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better
off trying to find it yourself.
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed
later how to use it.
2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as
"Bubba". You have a 75% chance of being right.
3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we
can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men
in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain
will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way.
This is what they live for.
5. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the
same store.
6. Do not buy food at the movie store.
7. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth
cooking, let alone eat it.
8. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All
y'all's" is plural possessive.
9. There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a
southern accent, unless it is a southerner imitating a Boston accent.
10. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
11. People walk slower here.
12. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They
don't understand you either.
13. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted
Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck"
or "big ol' boy". Eighty-five percent begin their new southern influenced
dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it.
14. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer
proper.
15. Be advised: The "He needed killin'" defense is valid here.
16. If attending a funeral in the South, remember, we stay until
the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down.
17. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!"
stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.
18. Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore
those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a
southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car
was purchased.
19. Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of
their car's windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.
20. The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can
wait until November.
22. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even
the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the
local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the
store, it is just something you're supposed to do.
23. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you
purchase one it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer.
This is logical bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the
trailer and should, therefore, be displayed.
24. Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot
in common. In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer.
25. Florida is not considered a southern state. There are far
more Yankees than Southerners living there.
26. In southern churches you will here the hymn, All Glory, Laud
and Honor. You will also here expressions such as, "Laud, have mercy",
"Good Laud", and "Laudy, Laudy, Laudy".
27. As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph
zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to
drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper
speed and lane position for the vehicle.
28. You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you
already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better
off trying to find it yourself.
3/8/05, 03:59 PM
#7
After all these years,
My C/T still sucks!
My C/T still sucks!
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 5, 2004
Location: Orlando(DP!) Florida
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Rules For Southerners Who Move North
If you forget a Northerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Frank" or "Joey" or "Marie" and you have a 75% chance of being right.
Just because we can drive on snow and ice does not mean you can. Stay home the six months of the year it snows.
If you do run your car into a ditch, panic. Four men in an old beat-up chevy lowrider with a 12-pack of beer and a crow bar will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way and kiss the tires on your car goodbye. This is what they live for.
Remember: "Youse" is singular. "Youse guys" is plural. "Youse guys'" is plural possessive.
There is nothing sillier than a Southerner imitating a northern accent, unless it is a northerner imitating a Georgian accent.
Get used to hearing, "what borough do you live in?" Or "what exit do you live off of?".
People walk really fast here.
Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.
The first Northern expression to creep into a transplanted Southerner's vocabulary is the exclamation "Yo" which is a Northern way of saying "Howdy."
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
If attending a funeral in the North, remember to somehow find out where the deceased lived. Their apartment could be up for rent.
Most Northerners don't know what a pedestrian is. If you see a car coming, keep out of its way.
If you forget a Northerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Frank" or "Joey" or "Marie" and you have a 75% chance of being right.
Just because we can drive on snow and ice does not mean you can. Stay home the six months of the year it snows.
If you do run your car into a ditch, panic. Four men in an old beat-up chevy lowrider with a 12-pack of beer and a crow bar will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way and kiss the tires on your car goodbye. This is what they live for.
Remember: "Youse" is singular. "Youse guys" is plural. "Youse guys'" is plural possessive.
There is nothing sillier than a Southerner imitating a northern accent, unless it is a northerner imitating a Georgian accent.
Get used to hearing, "what borough do you live in?" Or "what exit do you live off of?".
People walk really fast here.
Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.
The first Northern expression to creep into a transplanted Southerner's vocabulary is the exclamation "Yo" which is a Northern way of saying "Howdy."
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
If attending a funeral in the North, remember to somehow find out where the deceased lived. Their apartment could be up for rent.
Most Northerners don't know what a pedestrian is. If you see a car coming, keep out of its way.
3/9/05, 04:04 PM
#10
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Originally posted by EleanorsMine@March 8, 2005, 5:58 PM
Rules for Yankees who move to the South:
Rules for Yankees who move to the South:
I worked for someone in NC who loved fried pickle chips.
3/9/05, 04:15 PM
#11
After all these years,
My C/T still sucks!
My C/T still sucks!
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Originally posted by hispony+March 9, 2005, 6:07 PM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(hispony @ March 9, 2005, 6:07 PM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-EleanorsMine@March 8, 2005, 5:58 PM
Rules for Yankees who move to the South:
Rules for Yankees who move to the South:
I worked for someone in NC who loved fried pickle chips.
[/b][/quote]
oH MY lord
Don't knock em till you try em....
Spectacular!
3/9/05, 05:09 PM
#12
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Originally posted by jgsmuzzy@March 9, 2005, 3:08 AM
gonna have to work on the American moving to the UK and vice versa. I'll get on it.......
gonna have to work on the American moving to the UK and vice versa. I'll get on it.......
3/9/05, 05:11 PM
#13
After all these years,
My C/T still sucks!
My C/T still sucks!
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I am in kind of a mixed marriage-
I am from alabama and married a NY yankee.
His first southern word- no lie- BIG OLE
My first yankeee word- YO
I am from alabama and married a NY yankee.
His first southern word- no lie- BIG OLE
My first yankeee word- YO
3/10/05, 05:17 AM
#16
After all these years,
My C/T still sucks!
My C/T still sucks!
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Originally posted by future9er24@March 9, 2005, 7:28 PM
move to the west coast. i guarantee ur first word will be "dude" :P
move to the west coast. i guarantee ur first word will be "dude" :P
My poor daughter is technically a californian.
She was born in San Diego.
3/11/05, 12:01 AM
#19
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18. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper on them. If you want to put milk and sugar on them, then you want Cream of Wheat -- go to Kansas . That would be I-70 West.
OMG I laughed my behind off at this one, then asked my husband (Borned and raised in Topeka) if it was true... he said, "Heck yeh, gotta put milk and sugar on em!" Then I rememered, he also puts sugar on his white rice! Since being with him for the last ten years, I have taken on "Y'all" and "All Y'all", then there is the ever popular "Fix'n Ta".
Dude, We're fix'n ta take the Stang and meet all y'all. (Houston, we have a problem!)
OMG I laughed my behind off at this one, then asked my husband (Borned and raised in Topeka) if it was true... he said, "Heck yeh, gotta put milk and sugar on em!" Then I rememered, he also puts sugar on his white rice! Since being with him for the last ten years, I have taken on "Y'all" and "All Y'all", then there is the ever popular "Fix'n Ta".
Dude, We're fix'n ta take the Stang and meet all y'all. (Houston, we have a problem!)
3/11/05, 05:19 AM
#20
After all these years,
My C/T still sucks!
My C/T still sucks!
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Originally posted by future9er24@March 10, 2005, 9:05 PM
thas bad how? i dont get it....
thas bad how? i dont get it....
I am a southener, but Butter and sugar are my friends- on white rice AND grits.
AND I hate going up north, asking for sweet tea and getting lipton from the tap. You have to ask for UNSWEET tea up there to get it brewed.
Happiest times ever- getting into PA on my road trips, they have sweet tea from there down.