Zastava_101

Here is something that I don't get so maybe somebody can explain it to me.
Few days ago I was watching I love money on VH1 (yeah, yeah, nothing better was on). And there is this guy who is 29 and still lives with his parents. And basically many people are laughing at him because of this and they call him a loser.
Why is living with your parents at specific age (after 18) a bad thing? Why is somebody a loser if he/she lives with their parents at specific age (after 18)? Where I came from people live with their parents until they get married and some even after that. There was a similar discussion at Ford Truck forum few months ago and many people said that kids should move out as soon as they turn 18. Why? What's the hurry?
Call me crazy, but I like to come home to my family instead of coming to the empty apartment after work. And expenses of course are a lot smaller.

HOSS429

i did`nt get married till i was 25 .. lived at home with parents .. had no grief at all .. the bible has some scripture about when to leave the nest but i`m not familiar with it ..

2k7gtcs

Zoran,

Let me see if I can help.

When I was 18 I couldn't wait to move out. I wanted to live my own life. I had very strict and tough parents who although I loved, I was ready to get out on my own. So I got a full ride scholarship to a presitgious small private school that was about 6 hours away. My parents paid for nothing, at the time they couldn't anyway. I subsequently failed and had to come home. I had to walk to the local community college and catch rides to do a minimum wage job installing fiberglass insulation in houses. It was teh suck. I was subject to all the same strict rules and had no liberty at all. I was lucky enough to still be in love with my high school swetetheart and so we got married very young. As a matter of fact I had just turned 20 that month. I wanted to start my life. I knew what I wanted to do, and I was ready to share my life with my wife. Now all that being said, I knew from an early age that I would be expected to leave and go off and become a "man" on my own. It's just the way I was brought up. I fully understand that in Serbian tradition several members and generations of the family may live together for many years in the same house. In South Texas the Mexican culture has some similarities to that. I can't explain it precisely, but it may be socio-economic in nature. It's cheaper to live in the same house. Not that anything is wrong with that, but in Balkan states and southern Europe or all over the world for that matter it's just an accepted tradition that made its way over here. As a result, you can't understand why others don't understand the way you see it.

I have 2 nephews. These 2 nephews are an extreme example I hope. The first nephew went off to school on grants and loans. He made the very stupid mistake of going to a private school so that he could "walk-on" and play football. Obviously he picked a school that would allow him to have "fun" playing football just like he did in high school. We'll he went the Tommy Boy route except in 6 years he didn't graduate, ran up to the maximum amount you can borrow in student loans and had to come home. 2 years later he's 26 sitting at home playing World of Warcraft all day, not working, and in my opinion "mooching" off his parents. My 2nd nephew is 24 about to be 25. He never left home. Never even tried to go to school. Works just enough each week mowing yards to buy cheap beer and a pack of cigarettes a day and stays out all night and sleeps all day. Neither has a future. Both are being enabled by their parents. And no one listens to any reason or sees anything wrong with it.

MY nephews are the ones with a problem. As long as you're not living your life like they do, then you are fine. If you're working, or going to school and working, helping your parents, then you are just fine in my opinion Zoran. At some point you'll decide when its time to leave. But don't fail to become a man by living at home, or don't put it off. Don't worry about what other people think. They don't know your situation. It's people like my nephews that give you living at home a bad name. You're not doing anything wrong. Don't worry about it.

Gary

Lalo

yep...
lived at home 'til i was 24, 4 months before i got hitched.
went to school and worked all years after high school, and helped out my parents every way possible.
i never felt any embarrasement nor pressure.

2k7gtcs

You've also got to take into account that people like my father who raised me was told to leave when he graduated high school back in 1957. There was no doubt what he had to do, and while he wasn't as hard about it on us, we knew we should get out at the first available opportunity. His father left when he was 14. This was a different generation. Heck they commonly got married at 18 or younger. It's just a slower transition from the "old" ways to todays ways.

Zastava_101

I'm not felling embarrassed, I don't mind living with my parents. I'm 24, I have a full time job and I like my living situation.
I just hear that so often, "you're (insert age here), it's time to move out," I just wondered why people move out at the such young age.

StangMahn

I still live with mine (well, dad anyway, it's complicated) he's gone alot on business, so I live by myself a good bit, which is cool, cuz I know what it's like to be on my own, I've always taken care of myself. I've lived out of the house, I just feel alot more comfortable at home. Now that I'm going to college near home, I'll stay here till I graduate college and then move out. having my own place will definately be different, but when it's time, I feel that I'll be able to handle it. but yeah, it's alot better to come home to family than coming to an apartment or dorm with a cruddy roommate.

karman

I didn't buy my house until my grandmother died.
We had 2 houses with a total of 7 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms for 4 people.
What was the point of moving out before that?
My mom got more for grandma's house than I was prepared to pay.
I bought a better place for less.
Of course, I had saved lots of money for a down payment.

Hollywood_North GT

Everybody's circumstances are different, and you come to realize that more as you get older. There's no shame in it as long as you are moving your life forward (or trying to) and working towards independence.

I'll tell you this much: one day your parents will be gone, you'll be on your own, and you'll look back nostalgically at the time you had with them. It's hard for many to see that when they're living at home...but your whole perspective changes dramatically in later life.

RalphBullit

I agree everything depends on circumstances. To me for ex. living with parents is almost unbearable. I would love to move out but there are several problems. The salaries are very low, I could get a full time job with my girlfriend and we could rent a small flat. After Poland joined the UE costs of renting/owning flats and houses skyrocketed. If You don't believe I can tell You that for a price of medium flat in Warsaw (capital of Poland) You can buy a luxurious house in the USA (that's also due to weak dollar), btw many Poles currently invest houses in the U.S. If we both got a job, we could pay 50/50 (+fuel, food, etc) for the flat and had only little money to spend and we wouldn't be able to save anything. Living that way I could buy let's say a new Camaro or a Mustang after 30 years of saving . The best solution for me is to start my own business, If there's someone among You who wants to invest and start a business in central europe and has some good ideas, I can be your partner. Just let me know

Sendero

The people who say

...are usually up to their eyeballs in debt and want you to share the same miserable exsistance they are living. I was the last of my friends to move out (and that was due to my engagement and house purchase). Working a full time job since I graduated high school I put myself through college and purchased two cars all while living at home. The only debt I left home with was the $200 utilities connect fee on my credit card for the new house. During this time my friends slowly stopped participating in our shared hobbies, sports, and nights out on the town all because of one thing... money. That's right, they couldn't enjoy life and college because they didn't have enough money after bills came due.

What did I miss out on? Drinking cheap beer till you couldn't see straight and then having wild sex with a girl of questionable background only to wake up and find out she's coyote ugly. I hurt real deep inside because of that one, really I do.

presto

I lived with my parents until I got married, but I went away to school, failed, came back worked 30~45 hours a week as a draftsman, went to school and (after 8 years) graduated with a BS in engineering technology (math minor).
From ages 20~27 I lived with the fam, paid $400 a month & paid for all but one semester out of pocket. When I got married, my parents gave us an envelope with an account number in it. It was the savings account that they deposited all of the "rent" checks into. My wife and I bought 3.5 acres for cash, and had a house built on it.
Did some people give me grief for living at home? Yes, but I read the book "What do you care what other people thinK?" by the Phyciscist Richard Feynmann and the title gave me a new outlook on life. I'm 32 now and wouldn't change one thing about the way I lived in my 20's.

StangMahn

oh trust me, I know that as well as anyone

like nathan said, I dont really feel like I'm missing out on much, cheap booze, danger of being caught, questionable women, all the drama, etc

Id rather go to the gym and work out, thank you

n8rfastback

i joined the air force as soon as i turned 18... i think the parents have more to do with it than the kids feelings about moving out.... lol

Ministang

Except for a few months here and there where I dormed at a local college (still close to home, and still working full time), I lived at home until I got married at age 23. Around here jobs were plentiful, I got along pretty well with my parents, they didn't impose any unfair rules IMHO, and I saved a ton of money that I could put towards cars and other stuff I wanted instead of having to pay for rent, utilities, and a lot of other stuff. I saw no good reason to move out before I got married.

My wife moved away from home before she was 18, right after she graduated from HS. She had an even better relationship with her parents, but there were no good jobs or schools close by, so she moved away for work and college, and has lived at least 5 hours from where she grew up ever since. She still loves to go home and spend time there, but she pretty much had to move away for any kind of future (as did most of her 8 brothers and sisters).

Every circumstance is different, but I won't be kicking my kids out when they are 18, they can choose for themselves, as long as they don't have an unreasonable lifestyle.

adrenalin

I lived at home until I was 30. Sure, my friends gave me a hard time for doing this but hey, my parents are rather old and I know they needed help around the house. Not only that, but just think of the money I saved. When I moved out I was able to purchase a house for $220,000, new furniture, home theater, etc etc blah blah blah. Some of my friends still live in apartments or very old run down homes. So, I know I don't have to ask them but they all know I am thinking "who is the loser now". Ok, ya, probably me but I sure can't complain about my house, my car, my wife, my life.

However as some have stated, it depends on the circumstances. I know a few people in their late 20's that are pretty much just mooching off of their parents. They have no ambition, don't work and don't care to work. Now those type of people deserve to be kicked out on their butts.

StangMahn

yeah, the moochers have to go, but aslong as the kid is working toward something, or helping their parents, I dont see it as a problem

2k7gtcs

What can an Uncle do to get his mooching nephews out when their father and mother won't do anything? It's not my place to do, but these guys are ruining their lives and sucking the life out of their parents. My brother should have only one kid at home my niece that is 12, but instead he has 2 grown men and my other niece who is 21 and doing nothing also. I don't seen any hope. The are not working! All they do is eat the groceries and stay out all night drinking and sleep all day when not playing computer games. My sister-in-law secretly gives them cash for beer money and cigarettes. They won't get a job if they can't make $25/hour. My brother isn't exactly rich either andgoing to the grocery store is wiping out his wallet. Anyway, I guess someday something will have to give. I've told them my thoughts and now I'm done with it. I still love them, but I am very disappointed. Well sorry to but it's been a bit of a subject around here.

adrenalin

Well your sister-in-law is not helping the matter. She is just showing them that they can get away with what they are doing and that they don't have to work for anything. Perhaps it is time for them to sit down and show them how much it costs them each month to support the three of them and then set a goal. Something like "This is what it costs us to support you. If you get a job and make $12.00/hr you would be able to get an apartment and support yourself. So you have 1 year to get a job, save some money and move out, or we will have no choice but to kick you out". Parents have a right to have, and enjoy, a life. Sure, they brought the kids into this world but unless they are severely handicapped they should not have to support them until they die.

I know this is not the first time you have mentioned this story and I know you have tried to do something about it which you deserve a pat on the back. It sounds like your brother is just overwhelmed and doesn't know what to do and doesn't want to upset anyone. The kids obviously know what they are doing, they just need a good kick in the *** to get motivated. They know your brother won't kick them out onto the street and they are taking advantage of that. I may have lived at my parents until I was 30, but I worked my butt off since I was 16. A job was a job as far as I was concerned. Even when I had a job if someone said "I'll pay you 5 bucks to wash my car", I did it.

2k7gtcs

Thanks John.

It bothers me. There isn't a whole lot I can do about it. They are "good" people otherwise. They've never broken any laws and aren't bad people. They are just severely misguided and while I have always tried to be that uncle that gives the "good" advice through the years. It falls on deaf ears always. They also live about 1/4 mile from me and I see them alot.

To everyone else who has responded here, I obviously don't think this as a blanket statement for anyone living at home. I think I've explained that enough. If you are mature and working or going to school and working you'll know what to do. All of you sound like you have a great head on your shoulders.