A lawyer, a doctor, and a redneck were driving through the desert when they suddenly ran out of gas. They all decided to start walking to the nearest town (which they had passed 50 miles back) to get some help. A rancher was sitting on his front porch that evening when he saw the lawyer top the horizon and walk toward him. The rancher noticed that the lawyer was carrying a glass of water, so when he was within hearing distance, the rancher said, "Hi there...what are you doing carrying a glass of water through the desert?"
The lawyer explained his predicament and explained that since he had a long way to go, he might get thirsty, so that's why he was carrying the water.

A little while later the rancher noticed the doctor walking toward him with a loaf of bread in his hand. "What are you doing?" asked the rancher again.

As before, the doctor explained the situation and said that since he had a long way to go, he might get hungry and that's why he had the bread. Finally the redneck appeared, dragging a car door through the sand. More curious than ever, the rancher asked, "Hey, why are you dragging that car door?"

"Well," said the redneck, "I have a long way to go, so if it gets too hot, I'll roll down the window."

 

Thanks! That woke me up. Wish I had one for you.

 

If you took an infinite number of monkeys, put them in an infinite number of pickups, gave them an infinite number of shotguns, let them drink an infinite quantity of beer, and let them shoot at an infinite number of road signs, eventually they would write The Lord's Prayer--in Braille.

 

I don't know if you have the write to joke about rednecks, juding from where you are, Alabaster, Alabama. It doesn't get any more country then that.

 

What are you trying to say about folks in alabama hmmm???

Btw, Alabaster is not that redneck. Sure it has its few, but for the most part its a really nice highly growing area.... its places like Wetumpka and Oak Grove that you have to worry about (im from Oak Grove )

 

 

Err... this is one of the fastest growing areas around-they pretty much bulldozed all the redneck nests for developments .....You want redneck you look for Clanton or Marion or Centreville...

 

I am proud to say, I was born to a redneck family, grow up in a rednecks home,
learned thing about how we all started this country of ours . By the way they were all rednecks. At least my family took baths more then once a year. And me well I ran away and have been trying to go home now for over 25 year.

 

I can top it.
My Dad is a contractor who started out selling siding......
When My Cousin Vinnie came out I was SO offended...Being from Bama and having a Dad who installed Siding and all....Oh and liking the grits.

 

favorite redneck joke ever:
whats the difference between a tornado and a redneck divorce?
Nothing much, either way someones gonna lose a trailer.....

 

Things a True Southerner Knows:
The difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit.

Pretty much how many fish make up a mess.

What general direction cattywumpus is.

That "gimme sugar" don't mean pass the sugar.

When somebody's "fixin" to do something, it won't be long.

The difference between Yankees and danged Yankees.

How good a cold grape Nehi and cheese crackers are at a country store.

Knows what, "Well I Suwannee !!" means.

Ain't nobody's biscuits like Grandma's biscuits !!

A good dog is worth its weight in gold.

Real gravy don't come from the store.

When "by and by" is.

How to handle their "pot likker".

The difference between "pert' near" and "a right far piece".

The differences between a redneck and a good ol' boy.

Never to go snipe hunting twice.

At one point learned what happens when you swallow tobacco juice.

Never to assume that the other car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

You may wear long sleeves, but you should always roll 'em up past the elbows.

You should never loan your tools, pick-up, or gun to nobody.

A belt serves a greater purpose than holding Daddy's pants up.

Rocking chairs and swings are guaranteed stress relievers.

Rocking chairs and swings with an old person in them are history lessons.

 

to each their own