How long?
7/1/06, 05:40 PM
#1
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How long?
Till this gets moved.
A couple of Alabama hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"
A couple of Alabama hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"
7/1/06, 05:46 PM
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7/1/06, 07:01 PM
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Well, considering that the site owners and a bunch of mods are from Alabama, not very long is my guess. This is in addition to the "Hold my beer 'n watch this" joke last time, lol.
7/2/06, 06:23 AM
#4
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Originally Posted by mudshuvel319
Well, considering that the site owners and a bunch of mods are from Alabama, not very long is my guess. This is in addition to the "Hold my beer 'n watch this" joke last time, lol.
7/3/06, 07:09 AM
#7
After all these years,
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new law recently passed in Alabama: When a couple gets divorced, they're still brother and sister.
Q: What's the best thing to ever come out of Alabama?
A: I-20 and I-65
Right now I despise Alabama and am kicking myself for ever moving out of beautiful Mooresville NC to take this stupid job.
Q: What's the best thing to ever come out of Alabama?
A: I-20 and I-65
Right now I despise Alabama and am kicking myself for ever moving out of beautiful Mooresville NC to take this stupid job.
7/3/06, 07:23 AM
#9
After all these years,
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Originally Posted by Scothew
Why do you despise AL? Acctually im quite fond of living here.
7/3/06, 08:09 AM
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Originally Posted by tricky02GT
WOW! Its still here.
Actually, I was very surprised that the Birmingham area is very much like the Raleigh area up here. We lived down there for 2 years and really liked it.
7/3/06, 08:17 AM
#12
After all these years,
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Originally Posted by Scothew
oh blah blah blah.. hate the state for one cop doing his job.
Q: What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas, and a hurricane in Florida have in common?
A: Somebody's fixin' to lose them a trailer.
7/4/06, 09:40 PM
#14
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These are just jokes, don't read into them:
A minister dies and, resplendent in his clerical collar and colorful robes, waits in line at the Pearly Gates. Just ahead of him is a guy dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I'm Joe Green, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City."
Saint Peter consults his list, smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff, and enter into the Kingdom."
So the taxi-driver enters Heaven with his robe and staff, and the minister is next in line. Without being asked, he proclaims, "I am Michael O'Connor, head pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."
Saint Peter consults his list and says, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Just a minute," says the preacher, "that man was a taxi-driver, and you issued him a silken robe and golden staff. But I get wood and cotton. How can this be?"
"Up here, we go by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept -- while he drove, people prayed."
Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I'm Joe Green, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City."
Saint Peter consults his list, smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff, and enter into the Kingdom."
So the taxi-driver enters Heaven with his robe and staff, and the minister is next in line. Without being asked, he proclaims, "I am Michael O'Connor, head pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."
Saint Peter consults his list and says, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Just a minute," says the preacher, "that man was a taxi-driver, and you issued him a silken robe and golden staff. But I get wood and cotton. How can this be?"
"Up here, we go by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept -- while he drove, people prayed."
Q. Why are New Yorkers always depressed?
A. The light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.
A. The light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.
7/5/06, 10:31 AM
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Here's a joke
A woman is taking a poll outside the White House. She sees a New Yorker, a Californian, and a Texan. She asks them, "Excuse me, What do you all think of the shortage of meat in the world." The Californian responds, "What's meat," the Texan, "What's shortage," and the New Yorker says, "What does 'excuse me' mean?
7/5/06, 10:38 AM
#17
After all these years,
My C/T still sucks!
My C/T still sucks!
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Dear Diary: May 30th:
Just moved to Birmingham- Now this is a city that knows how to live!!
Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.
June 14th:
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.
June 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped today. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
July 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.) Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do.I learned my lesson though Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
July 20th:
I missed Morgan (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning.By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Morgan had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $2,000
leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.
July 25th:
The wind sucks.It feels like a giant blow dryer!! And it'shot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.
July 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. $1,500 in house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
Aug. 4th:
It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today.It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85, but this darn humidity makes the house feel like it's about 95.I hate this stupid city.
Aug. 8th:
If another wise *** cracks, "Hot enough for you today?", I'm going to strangle him. **** heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!
Aug. 9th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my butt was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried butt, and baked cat. Aug. 10th:
The weather report might as well be a **** recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do squat for 2 months now and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this **** place?? Water rationing will be next, so might $1700 worth of landscaping just dry up and blow into the pool.
Aug. 14th:
Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 115 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the whole windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?"
My wife had to spend the $1500 house payment to bail me out of jail. Alabama. What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here??
Just moved to Birmingham- Now this is a city that knows how to live!!
Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.
June 14th:
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.
June 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped today. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
July 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.) Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do.I learned my lesson though Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
July 20th:
I missed Morgan (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning.By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Morgan had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $2,000
leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.
July 25th:
The wind sucks.It feels like a giant blow dryer!! And it'shot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.
July 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. $1,500 in house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
Aug. 4th:
It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today.It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85, but this darn humidity makes the house feel like it's about 95.I hate this stupid city.
Aug. 8th:
If another wise *** cracks, "Hot enough for you today?", I'm going to strangle him. **** heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!
Aug. 9th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my butt was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried butt, and baked cat. Aug. 10th:
The weather report might as well be a **** recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do squat for 2 months now and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this **** place?? Water rationing will be next, so might $1700 worth of landscaping just dry up and blow into the pool.
Aug. 14th:
Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 115 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the whole windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?"
My wife had to spend the $1500 house payment to bail me out of jail. Alabama. What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here??