Another e-mail joke
12/2/04, 08:54 AM
#1
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How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
-------------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be
able to support you.
-------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that
allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
-------------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me.
-------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
-------------------------------------------
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
-------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front
door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-------------------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.
-------------------------------------------
I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
-------------------------------------------
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
I don't like to interrupt her.
--------------------------------------------
What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.
--------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
---------------------------------------------
Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
---------------------------------------------
Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
---------------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither
God nor Man has rested.
---------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They had enough.
---------------------------------------------
A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I
haven't eaten anything for days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I
had
your willpower."
---------------------------------------------
Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't
know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
---------------------------------------------
A man inserted an advertisement in the classified:
Wife Wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
----------------------------------------
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
----------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a
bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
-------------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be
able to support you.
-------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that
allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
-------------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me.
-------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
-------------------------------------------
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
-------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front
door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-------------------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.
-------------------------------------------
I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
-------------------------------------------
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
I don't like to interrupt her.
--------------------------------------------
What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.
--------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
---------------------------------------------
Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
---------------------------------------------
Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
---------------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither
God nor Man has rested.
---------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They had enough.
---------------------------------------------
A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I
haven't eaten anything for days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I
had
your willpower."
---------------------------------------------
Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't
know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
---------------------------------------------
A man inserted an advertisement in the classified:
Wife Wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
----------------------------------------
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
----------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a
bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
12/2/04, 08:57 AM
#2
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And another one....
I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine yesterday. We lost track of time, talking about the wild nights we used to enjoy together.
I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic. "Wow! darn Straight!" I said, but I don't know if I could keep up with you now. I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!
She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge! Yeah, I said, just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistband that's a few inches wider these days!
She laughed and told me to stop being so silly! She teased me, saying that she thought tubby bald men were cute! ?Anyway, I've put on a couple of pounds myself? she giggled...
So I told her to f*** off.
I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine yesterday. We lost track of time, talking about the wild nights we used to enjoy together.
I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic. "Wow! darn Straight!" I said, but I don't know if I could keep up with you now. I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!
She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge! Yeah, I said, just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistband that's a few inches wider these days!
She laughed and told me to stop being so silly! She teased me, saying that she thought tubby bald men were cute! ?Anyway, I've put on a couple of pounds myself? she giggled...
So I told her to f*** off.
12/2/04, 04:18 PM
#6
After all these years,
My C/T still sucks!
My C/T still sucks!
Join Date: May 5, 2004
Location: Orlando(DP!) Florida
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Originally posted by Donna@December 2, 2004, 6:13 PM
OMG.....I had to print the first one for a guy I work with, that is so his mentality!
Men!
What would we do without you?
OMG.....I had to print the first one for a guy I work with, that is so his mentality!
Men!
What would we do without you?
they don't need to know
12/2/04, 04:45 PM
#7
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Location: Berkeley/Redwood City, CA
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Originally posted by freebass55@December 2, 2004, 9:57 AM
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that
allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
-------------------------------------------
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
-------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front
door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-------------------------------------------
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
I don't like to interrupt her.
---------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that
allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
-------------------------------------------
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
-------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front
door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-------------------------------------------
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
I don't like to interrupt her.
---------------------------------------------
alas, women, the reason man invented headphones
Lol j/k
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