HOSS429

somewhile ago when i was unemployed i went down to the unemployment office to get my check

i walked straight up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know...., I just
HATE drawing these checks . I'd really rather have a job."

the lady behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent. We
just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur
and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in
a new Mercedes-Benz , and he will supply all of your clothes.

"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected
to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips.

This is rather awkward to say but you will also have as part of your job assignment to
satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."

i looked at her and , said, "You're kidding me right "

The social worker said, "Yeah, well ... You started it."

Cobra6

Yep - almost - I thought about an Alger, but I don't think I want to try that.

HOSS429

if we only could have known .. once in the early part of the 1900`s a young man who was born in royston georgia came to huntsville alabama to try and earn a living playing semi pro baseball .. there were so many baseball teams in existance then that the owner of the local mill village team offered the fellow a position as an unpaid player .. the young man had a glove but not any money to buy his own uniform.. the young man had asked for 65 $ a month salary also .. the team owner burst out laughing and told the young man to get a real job .. he`d never make it as a ball player .. the young man left huntsville and headed north and wound up in detroit where he ended up playing for the local team .. that team later became one of the best teams in the country and Ty Cobb ( the young man ) was a large part of the reason ... along this same line .. Ty Cobb rarely gave interviews but did on one ocassion give one to a young reporter .. the reporter noted cobbs lifetime batting average of 389 and noted that that average was accumilated againt mostly straight fast ball pitchers then asked the near 80 year old man what he thought he would average hitting against todays pitching with knuckleballs , sliders , and big breaking curves .. mr cobb thought a second and said he was pretty confident he could still hit better than 300 .. the reporter thought mr cobb was being too hard on himself ..mr cobb replied saying " well young man .. you got to remember i`m nearly 80 years old now ..

HOSS429

still rusting away near me

HOSS429

i was at wallyworld the other day and saw A blind man walking with his seeing-eye dog when suddenly the animal paused and wet the man's leg. Bending down, the blind man stretched out his hand and patted the dog's head.

Having watched what happened, i asked , "Why are you patting him on the head ? That dog just peed on your leg!"

"I know," said the blind man, "but I gotta find his head before I can kick his butt.!

HOSS429

speaking of blind men .. also at walmart a while back i saw a blind man pick up his seeing eye dog by it`s tail and swing it around his head several times .. i asked the man what he was doing .. the blind man said " oh !! i`m just looking around "

HOSS429

A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster-one that would service all of his many hens. When he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied: "I have just the rooster for you. Henry here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!"
So the farmer took Henry back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the hen house, though, he gave Henry a little pep talk: "Henry," he said, "I'm counting on you to do your stuff." And without a word, Henry strutted into the henhouse.
Henry was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Henry had finished having his way with each hen. But, Henry didn't stop there. Henry went into the barn and mounted all of the horses, one by one, and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pig house, where he did the same. The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief cried out, "Stop, Henry!! You'll kill yourself!!"
But Henry continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner.
Well, the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Henry lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Henry. The farmer walked up to Henry saying, "Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you've gone and killed yourself. I warned you little buddy."
"Shhhhhhh," Henry whispered, "The buzzard's getting closer."

HOSS429

........

HOSS429

perfectly miserable cloudy day today yet just now driving back from the laundry i see a brilliant beam of sunlite break thru the clouds and shine down upon a bright green grassy knoll about a quarter mile off the hiway .. in this green acreage neatly formed in a near perfect circle was a dozen or so of those huge round bales of hay .. immediately my first thought was " hay hinge " .. how neat .. i whip around and go back and luckily there was a dirt/gravel beaten path leading up to the hill ..driving thru 4 inch mud and flood waters i precariously make my way and upon arriving at the perfect spot to snap a shot i grab my trusty nikon .. hit the start button .. " warning " exhausted battery " ... as my car is sinking in the mud ...

HOSS429

a shot of said hay hinge ...;

HOSS429

why do you suppose someone would build a new house in the mid 70`s and let it rot away .. to my knowledge it`s never been lived in .. that`s not fire damage

HOSS429

..........

HOSS429

two years ago i met a woman of ill repute and found to my surprise that i could`nt live up to my expectations .. i promptly went to my doctor ( a man ) and asked for a prescription for a few blue diamonds .. he said he could not with good concience give me the vile drug as i was not in wedded bliss with the woman in question .. i asked when did our omnipitant being ( GOD )decide to
make you his spokesman for procreation .. ,, in a fit of anger i went to a female doctor with the same request and she without hesitation granted me all the viagra i wished ,, can i assume from this that a male doctor wishes not to share the gift of love but a woman doctor will do so without question

HOSS429

would a fly without wings be called a walk .?
can a person be a closet claustrophobic ..?
why are gas station bathrooms locked ? are they affraid someone will clean them ...?
why dont sheep shrink when it rains ?
in a nite funeral do you drive with your lites out ?
why is the word abbreviation so long ?
why do people who know the least know it the loudest ?
do vegetarians eat animal crackers ?
if a cop arrests a mime does he still give him the right to remain silent ?

Cobra6

I saw this on the Garage Journal Forum.
The main drawback is that it is built from Delco-Remy parts.
It was built as a retirement tribute for someone named Fred Hartman, and the little plaque on back is dated Sept 21, 1951.
A lighted smoking stand - right from the pages of "Mad Men"

Someone put a LOT of time and craftsmanship into making this thing. The little ash tray at right front is sitting on a copper armature, and I believe that the chrome tray itself is the end cap off of an electronic component. The main upright body of this display is a generator housing, with a Delco ignition switch which turns on the lamp overhead. And of course the ignition switch features a removable and working GM ignition key.
The "lamp shade" has been made from a Bakelite housing cover for a heavy duty relay or voltage regulator, and has the words, "Delco Remy" in bold raised letters. The shade is painted white on the inside for reflection, and it is mounted on fittings which allow it to be pivoted up and down. The tubing which holds the shade upright is precision-bent, so that both sides are exactly the same. The lower portion of the tubing is larger diameter tubes to properly fit the mounting-bolt-holes of the generator. Then these larger tubes are swaged down to fit snugly over the smaller tubing at the top. It looks like this tubing arrangement may have "telescoped" at one time, to allow raising and lowering the lamp shade height.
In the left front corner of this little tray is a heavy-duty Delco-Remy ignition coil, with finned aluminum body. They have set it up so that the coil tower operates as a lid to a cigarette or match holder.
The chrome-plated handles on this tray appear to be automotive components also, pulled right from the parts bin and plated for appearance. I believe that they may be internal components for tube-type shock absorbers.

HOSS429

such an unkind word when used in the " facebook " context .. when my world was opened up to facebook a year or so ago i quickly loaded my " friend " page with everybody i came in contact with .. mostly fellow employees .. just a few other friends in regular life that i wanted contact with .. as time went by i found myself in less and less contact with some of my friends and i began to remove ( unfriend ) them from my list as i like as little clutter in my life as possible.. on websites i mean .. not to say they still arent friends ..one of those friends was/is a dear friend .. yet iv`e been 6 months or more without speaking to her .. not so uncommon if you know me .. kennyG and gregG are friends of mine but iv`e not seen them in a year or so ,, life just goes on .. but back to the delima on hand .. the friend i speak of was laid off from where we work a year ago ..has not had an easy go of things from what i have recently learned .. and now this is where her home used to be .. but what has me upset is this morning i get a message on facebook .. " willie ... why did you unfriend me ? " ...,, the lady had lost her job .... lost her home ... and now her concerns are that she has lost me ... i feel really bad and dont know how to respond .. unfriend is not a good word ..

HOSS429

rant ... you know .. i`m not a RCMC member so i really dont have room to speak but i will say .. Lisa .. was a great president for her brief term .. she made great effort to get events to happen .. cruises .. hangouts , and other events ... but now it seems someone else has been voted president .. i dont even know who .. but whoever it is has not brought up one idea for club activities or functions .. jan boggs even has to start a thread asking will there be a mustang show this year ... we are all sticks in the mud folks

BA Mustang

That's because the prez isn't on the forum much. And as long as I remember the show has always been on mothers day weekend. That's easy to remember.

However I am surprised I've yet to see a flyer.

goldstang

Every time I send out emails or try to get members involved in an event NOBODY ever wants to participate and shoots the ideas down. Tell me why people want to be a "member" of a club yet never participate? We had four members to participate in the parade last week. And yes I posted that on the form, and sent out emails yet not a single member replied to the thread! I've been working on the show or several weeks. William and I are currently working on a cruise date for jack Daniels. But then again if you are an active member you would I've already known that.

goldstang

For* not or*