Jokes
5/12/08, 08:20 PM
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Jokes
Q: How do you double the value of a Chevy?
A: Put gas in it.
Q: How is a golf ball different from a Chevy?
A: You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.
Q: Why are there sidewalks beside streets?
A: So Chevy owners have a safe place to walk home.
Q: How much wood could a GM truck haul if a GM truck could haul wood?
A: As much as the Ford towing it.
Q. Whats the difference between a Chevy and a Tampon?
A. A tampon comes with its own tow rope
Q. Why do Chevys have magnetized bumpers
A. To pick up the parts that fall off other Chevys
Q. How do you make a Chevy accelerate 0-60 mph in less than 15 seconds?
A. Push it off a cliff.
Q. What is found on the last two pages of every Chevy's owners manual?
A. The bus schedule.
Q. What did the auto parts counterman say when the customer said, "I'll take a set of wiper blades for my Chevy"?
A. Sounds like a fair trade.
Q. What do you call a Chevy at the top of a hill?
A. A miracle?
Q. What do you call two Chevy's at the top of a hill?
A. A mirage. Q. What do you call a Chevy with brakes? A. Customized.
Q.How do you make a Chevy go faster down hill?
A. Turn the engine off.
Q. Why don't Chevy's sustain much damage in front end collisions?
A. The tow truck takes most of the impact.
Q. What do you call Chevy passengers?
A. Shock absorbers.
Q. How do you improve the appearance of a Chevy?
A. Park it between two Fords
Q. Whats the difference between a Chevy and a shopping cart?
A. A shopping cart is easier to push.
Q. Why did GM put heaters in the tailgates of their new trucks?
A. To keep their hands warm when they are pushing the truck into the shop
Q. Why are the new GM trucks more aerodynamic?
A. So they will save the Fords gas when the Ford tows them away.
Q. What did the Ford say to the Chevy?
A. Would you like a tow home?
Q. How can they improve the new Chevy truck?
A. Put a Ford engine in it.
Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To push his Chevy into the shop
Q. Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
A. Because his Silverado got stuck.
Q. Why are the Chevy dealerships giving away a dog with every purchase
A. So the owners have someone to walk home with.
CHEVROLET= Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques
CHEVROLET= Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips.
CHEVROLET= Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time.
CHEVROLET= Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time.
CHEVROLET= Can Hear Every Valve Rattle, Oil Leaks, Engine Ticks.
CHEVROLET= Cheap Heavy Equipment, Very Rusty, Overly Loved, Eventually Towed
CHEVY= Cheapest Heap Ever Visioned Yet
GMC= Garage Man's Companion
GMC= Garbage Manufacturing Company
GMC= Gotta Mechanic Coming
GMC= Gay Mans Chariot
GM= General Mistake
GM= Glued Metal
GM – Mark of Ignorance
A: Put gas in it.
Q: How is a golf ball different from a Chevy?
A: You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.
Q: Why are there sidewalks beside streets?
A: So Chevy owners have a safe place to walk home.
Q: How much wood could a GM truck haul if a GM truck could haul wood?
A: As much as the Ford towing it.
Q. Whats the difference between a Chevy and a Tampon?
A. A tampon comes with its own tow rope
Q. Why do Chevys have magnetized bumpers
A. To pick up the parts that fall off other Chevys
Q. How do you make a Chevy accelerate 0-60 mph in less than 15 seconds?
A. Push it off a cliff.
Q. What is found on the last two pages of every Chevy's owners manual?
A. The bus schedule.
Q. What did the auto parts counterman say when the customer said, "I'll take a set of wiper blades for my Chevy"?
A. Sounds like a fair trade.
Q. What do you call a Chevy at the top of a hill?
A. A miracle?
Q. What do you call two Chevy's at the top of a hill?
A. A mirage. Q. What do you call a Chevy with brakes? A. Customized.
Q.How do you make a Chevy go faster down hill?
A. Turn the engine off.
Q. Why don't Chevy's sustain much damage in front end collisions?
A. The tow truck takes most of the impact.
Q. What do you call Chevy passengers?
A. Shock absorbers.
Q. How do you improve the appearance of a Chevy?
A. Park it between two Fords
Q. Whats the difference between a Chevy and a shopping cart?
A. A shopping cart is easier to push.
Q. Why did GM put heaters in the tailgates of their new trucks?
A. To keep their hands warm when they are pushing the truck into the shop
Q. Why are the new GM trucks more aerodynamic?
A. So they will save the Fords gas when the Ford tows them away.
Q. What did the Ford say to the Chevy?
A. Would you like a tow home?
Q. How can they improve the new Chevy truck?
A. Put a Ford engine in it.
Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To push his Chevy into the shop
Q. Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
A. Because his Silverado got stuck.
Q. Why are the Chevy dealerships giving away a dog with every purchase
A. So the owners have someone to walk home with.
CHEVROLET= Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques
CHEVROLET= Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips.
CHEVROLET= Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time.
CHEVROLET= Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time.
CHEVROLET= Can Hear Every Valve Rattle, Oil Leaks, Engine Ticks.
CHEVROLET= Cheap Heavy Equipment, Very Rusty, Overly Loved, Eventually Towed
CHEVY= Cheapest Heap Ever Visioned Yet
GMC= Garage Man's Companion
GMC= Garbage Manufacturing Company
GMC= Gotta Mechanic Coming
GMC= Gay Mans Chariot
GM= General Mistake
GM= Glued Metal
GM – Mark of Ignorance
Last edited by future9er24; 5/12/08 at 09:11 PM. Reason: for readability
5/12/08, 08:21 PM
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A man pulled up next to a little girl walking home from school and said "If you get in, I'll give you a lollypop." The girl kept walking. Following along slowly, the man said "Come on and get in the car with me and I'll give you two lolly pops." She kept her eyes on the sidewalk and continued on her way. The man said "Get in with me and I'll give you this whole bag of lollypops!" Finally, the girl turned and said "Look daddy, YOU bought the Chevy, YOU ride in it!!!"
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. If it wasn't for our Chevy's, our tools would rust.
From the past 10 years, about 95% of Chevy trucks are still on the road. The rest made it home.
Have you seen the new speed limit signs? They say "Speed limit 65, Chevys-do the best you can"
Thats not a leak, my Chevy's just marking its territory.
Buy a Chevy and you buy the best. Drive the first mile and walk the rest.
I could never keep a Chevy under me, I was always under the Chevy.
Speed Kills, Drive a Chevy and live forever.
You can Ford a stream, you can Dodge a stream, but a Chevy will sit and rust in a stream.
A Texan was talking big in a bar one night about how much money he had, how many women he had been with and how much land he owned. A young man, growing tired of all the big talk finally asked the Texan, "Just how much land do you actually own"? The Texan tipped back his cowboy hat and said to the young man " Well sonny let me put it to ya like this, I can get in my pickup at sunrise, drive all day long, skip lunch and still not get to the other side of my property by sundown". The young man shot back quickly, " Oh yeah, I know what you mean, I used to own a Chevy truck too"!
Here I sit brokenhearted Wishing that my Chevy started But it didn't so thats a wrap I think I'll shoot this piece of crap "Chevy, built like a rock and runs like one too."
CHEVROLET = Chews Heads, Eats Valves, Runs Only Lousy ETs
If yall got any tell em lol
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. If it wasn't for our Chevy's, our tools would rust.
From the past 10 years, about 95% of Chevy trucks are still on the road. The rest made it home.
Have you seen the new speed limit signs? They say "Speed limit 65, Chevys-do the best you can"
Thats not a leak, my Chevy's just marking its territory.
Buy a Chevy and you buy the best. Drive the first mile and walk the rest.
I could never keep a Chevy under me, I was always under the Chevy.
Speed Kills, Drive a Chevy and live forever.
You can Ford a stream, you can Dodge a stream, but a Chevy will sit and rust in a stream.
A Texan was talking big in a bar one night about how much money he had, how many women he had been with and how much land he owned. A young man, growing tired of all the big talk finally asked the Texan, "Just how much land do you actually own"? The Texan tipped back his cowboy hat and said to the young man " Well sonny let me put it to ya like this, I can get in my pickup at sunrise, drive all day long, skip lunch and still not get to the other side of my property by sundown". The young man shot back quickly, " Oh yeah, I know what you mean, I used to own a Chevy truck too"!
Here I sit brokenhearted Wishing that my Chevy started But it didn't so thats a wrap I think I'll shoot this piece of crap "Chevy, built like a rock and runs like one too."
CHEVROLET = Chews Heads, Eats Valves, Runs Only Lousy ETs
If yall got any tell em lol
Last edited by future9er24; 5/12/08 at 09:13 PM. Reason: for readability
5/12/08, 09:06 PM
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Good stuff here manI hope you don't mind, I edited your post where the jokes got scrunched together. They were kinda hard to read
Last edited by future9er24; 5/12/08 at 09:13 PM.
5/12/08, 09:39 PM
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The Chevy one that started "Here I sit, broken hearted" I heard a bit differently. "Here I sit, broken hearted, came to poop, but only farted." 
That still has to do with Chevy's, right?
That still has to do with Chevy's, right?
5/16/08, 03:12 PM
#12
Legacy TMS Member Pr
Ha ha ha!! really good stuff!!
Chevy, the heartbeat of America, the heart attack of America when the engine dies going downhill and you have no brakes to stop it!
Chevy trucks, like a rock. Yeah they weight the same and occupy space doing nothing.
Chevy, the heartbeat of America, the heart attack of America when the engine dies going downhill and you have no brakes to stop it!
Chevy trucks, like a rock. Yeah they weight the same and occupy space doing nothing.
Last edited by edumspeed; 5/16/08 at 03:15 PM.
5/16/08, 03:19 PM
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Dodge
Doing Overhauls Daily Gets Expensive
Doesn't only die, gets eaten
Darn Old Dirty Gas Eater
Design Of Diabolical German Engineer
Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
Damned Old Dudes Going Everywhere
**** Overhauls Do Get Expensive
Dear Old Dad's Garbage Engine
Don't Our Dealers Gouge Everyone
Dodge Neon: Need Engine Overhauled Now (Sent in by Roger Markowitz)
Darned Old Dirty Greasy Engine
Doing Overhauls Daily Gets Expensive
Doesn't only die, gets eaten
Darn Old Dirty Gas Eater
Design Of Diabolical German Engineer
Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
Damned Old Dudes Going Everywhere
**** Overhauls Do Get Expensive
Dear Old Dad's Garbage Engine
Don't Our Dealers Gouge Everyone
Dodge Neon: Need Engine Overhauled Now (Sent in by Roger Markowitz)
Darned Old Dirty Greasy Engine
5/16/08, 03:23 PM
#15
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CHRYSLER
Everyone knows who Lee Iacocca is right? His name IACOCCA stands for:
I Am Chairman Of Chrysler Corporation America
Company Has Recommended You Start Learning Engine Repair (From James Bragg)
Company Has Rid Your Savings Legally: Electronic Robbery
Chrysler Has Raped Your Sanity Loser - Expect Repercussions
PT Loser (for PT Cruiser name)
PT Boozer
CADILLAC
Company Always Denies Its Lawful Liability After Collisions
Company Asking Dealers If Local Lawyers Are Calling
CAMARO
Cash Always Miniscule After Retail Overpricing
MoparMost Often Parked At Roadside
Move Over, Power Approaching Rapidly
My Old Pig Ain't Runnin'
Move Over People Are Racing
Mostly Old Parts And Rust
Motor On Pavement After Race
Moments Of Power Are Rare
Everyone knows who Lee Iacocca is right? His name IACOCCA stands for:
I Am Chairman Of Chrysler Corporation America
Company Has Recommended You Start Learning Engine Repair (From James Bragg)
Company Has Rid Your Savings Legally: Electronic Robbery
Chrysler Has Raped Your Sanity Loser - Expect Repercussions
PT Loser (for PT Cruiser name)
PT Boozer
CADILLAC
Company Always Denies Its Lawful Liability After Collisions
Company Asking Dealers If Local Lawyers Are Calling
CAMARO
Cash Always Miniscule After Retail Overpricing
MoparMost Often Parked At Roadside
Move Over, Power Approaching Rapidly
My Old Pig Ain't Runnin'
Move Over People Are Racing
Mostly Old Parts And Rust
Motor On Pavement After Race
Moments Of Power Are Rare
5/16/08, 03:31 PM
#16
Legacy TMS Member Pr
TOYOTA;
The
One
Year
Of
Total
Aggravation
The
One
Year
Of
Total
Aggravation
5/16/08, 03:47 PM
#19
Needs to be more Astony
WHEN DID YOU GET ADMIN POWERS!?
