GottaHaveIt

Why did the little girl walk around with a dead fish in her pocket ?






She wanted to smell like an older woman
(nothing personal Ladies) after I seen the other I thought it fitting

Daddy's got the wienner /Mommy's got the bun? Baby's got the mustard yum yum yum
ok let me have it.

denlem

A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, "You can come in, but don't start anything!"

HOSS429

two vampires walk into a bar .. one tells the barkeep "" i`ll have a glass of blood please "" the other says "" i`ll have a glass of plasma "" the tender yells to the back "" bring up one blood and one blood lite !!!

denlem

A corn stalk walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wanna hear a good joke?" The corn stalk says, "I'm all ears!"

runningwild4.6

Arin just didn't know it but was granted Admin rights when he hit 10K posts!
(just like a Video game )

runningwild4.6

Subaru- Backwards it reads U R A BUS

runningwild4.6

MY LIVING WILL

Last night, Bob and I were sitting in the living room and I said to
him, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'

He got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my beer.

He's so hateful!

runningwild4.6

1 more .....a classic:
The Lone Ranger is captured by Indians...

The Indian Chief proclaims, 'So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests.
What is your first request?'
The Lone Ranger responds, 'I'd like to speak to my horse.'
The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back.
As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed.
'You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?'

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and once again he whispers in the horse's ear.As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon.
Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and also spends the night.
The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. He tells the Lone Ranger, 'You are indeed a man of many talents, but I still kill you tomorrow. 'So what is your last request?'
The Lone Ranger responds,
'I'd like to speak to my horse.... alone.'

The Chief is curious, but he agrees and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.
Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says:
'Listen very carefully you dumb *** horse.
For the last time . . . BRING POSSEEEE'.

denlem

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender sets the beer down and says, "For you, no charge!"

HOSS429

a skeleton walks into a bar and says " give me a beer and a sponge "

denlem

A default Sans Serif font walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your type here!"

HOSS429

two yogurts walk into a bar .. the bartender "" a regular tub of cottage cheese "" says "" we dont serve your type in here .. one of the yogurts fires back "" why not we`re cultured

denlem

A pig goes into a bar and orders ten drinks. He finishes them up and the bartender says, "Don't you need to know where the bathroom is?" The pig says, "No, I go wee wee all the way home."

HOSS429

A green frog hops into a bank, jumps up on the counter and says to the teller, "I want a loan."
The teller says, "You'll have to see the loan officer. Her office is down the hall and the name on the door says "Patricia Wack."
So the frog hops off the counter, down the hall and to Mrs. Wack's office. He jumps up on her desk and says, "I want a loan." Mrs. Wack, quite puzzled, gives the standard line, "We must have something to secure the loan, some collateral."
At that the frog pulls out a ceramic lion, places it on her desk and repeats that he wants a loan.
So Patricia picks up the ceramic lion, goes in to the bank president's office, places the ceramic lion on his desk, and tells him, "I have this frog in my office who says he wants a loan, and this is what he has to secure it. I don't even know what this thing is."
The bank president looks at the ceramic lion, looks at Mrs. Wack, looks back at the ceramic lion and finally says, "It's a knick-knack, Patty Wack. Give the frog a loan."

StillenMustang07

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive....
so, I took her to a gas station.....

and then the fight started....

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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too'

And then the fight started.....

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked,'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started.....

************************************************** ****************

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the
other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and
little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And then the fight started.....

denlem

An Irishman walks out of a bar. Hey, it COULD happen!

runningwild4.6

Next round:
A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf ***** and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, 'It's golf *****'.

Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said.

After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

denlem

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bartender here?"

429 Boss Mustang

how do you make a tissue dance?

you put a boogy in it

denlem